Bound by Lust, Separated by Life
by Mr. Nanook
Summary: Rigby and Eileen were just friends. But after one night of heavy drinking, everything would change. Now Eileen is pregnant and the soon-to-be-father is unsure on what to do. Will he stay or will he go? Join Rigby on an adventure full of passion, doubts, regret, and responsibility where he makes the decision of his life. Rated T for Mild Language, Sexual Content, and Use of Alcohol.
1. Two Birds

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: Well, here it is! The latest addition to the Rigleen pairing is finally here. Let me just take a moment to say that it's been great being back here. This place is home to me. This is where I started and I just love being here. I still can't believe that I still get reviews for **_**The Last Day**_**, considering that I really don't think too highly of it. But hey, if someone likes it, who am I to argue? Honestly, I don't know why I ever left but I didn't want to leave in such a bad way, so here's a new fanfic for my brethren in the **_**Regular Show**_** scene. Read on!**

**This chapter is from Eileen's POV, but the rest of the story will be in third-person.**

_**Regular Show**_** and all related characters and elements are trademarks of and © Cartoon Network. I own nothing except for the story, plot, and any characters that I created.**

* * *

**TWO BIRDS**

_**BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!**_

_**CLICK!**_

I shut off my alarm and open my eyes to another lifeless morning after a night of unrest. I don't know why I bother to wake up in the morning anymore. What's the point? Here I am, carrying this baby that the father doesn't even want and even I don't know if I want it. Why me? I look to my right and notice no one sleeping next to me. I'm not surprised, though. I've been alone for quite some time now. I know that a promise from that damn raccoon means nothing. I don't even know why he came back if he was just going to abandon me again. I mean, is one time not enough for him?

No.

If I didn't know any better, I'd say he did this on purpose. That must be it. Every time he saw me, I disgusted him and made him want to stay away from me. Now with his child in me, he _needs _to stay away from me. All he needed was an excuse, and he got the best excuse anyone could ask for.

I get up just because I can't stand being on my back. Heh. It's funny, isn't it? That's pretty much how I ended up with this thing inside me. How could I have been so foolish? He doesn't love me. He never loved me. He just wanted a one night stand. But I wanted more.

I wanted much more. I wanted a relationship. I wanted him to be mine. I wanted him to call me his love. I wanted him to hug me and kiss me. I wanted him to finally accept me as his girlfriend. I wanted him to care about me and his child. I wanted him to love me.

But no.

He didn't care. He never cared. I thought he did once, but it was false. I can't believe I even fell for it. Why did I ever fall for him anyway? I should have known this would happen. He didn't even care enough to save me from Death Bear or to do one pull up without taking the easy way out, so why would he bother taking care of his own baby? Coward. I try to shake away the cobwebs on my mind but it's no use; I can't stop thinking about him.

I put on my glasses, get out my bed and walk to my bathroom to brush my teeth. As I walk through the hall of my apartment, I recall back to that very night where my life took a turn for the worst. My mom always told me to save my virginity for the right man. Clearly I chose wrong. I finally entered the bathroom and managed to not break down and cry again. When I'm depressed, I always seem to notice the little things. I glance at my marble sink and my porcelain toilet with the soft seat and a floral pattern cloth cover. I remember how Rigby thought of it as girly when he puked all over the bowl. My, what an odd thing to remember. My shower curtains with multicolored cartoon fishes was another thing he noticed, along with the yellow oval rug that he nearly tripped on when he entered the room for the first time.

I flicked the switch to turn on the light and saw a horrifying sight: me. I glance at my reflection in the mirror and just think about how disgusting I look. My belly is huge and my eyes are puffy and red from crying all night. Is this why he left me? It doesn't matter now. He'll never see my ugly self ever again. I grab my toothbrush and squeeze some Crest toothpaste onto the bristles. I pull it closer to my mouth with a trembling arm and a grimace expression on my face. I shut my eyes and a few tears finally flow down my cheeks again; nothing special. I whisper to myself, "Why?" and drop the toothbrush. As I see it land on the sink, I grab my metal soap dispenser and smash the mirror to avoid looking at the horrid thing that I have become. It isn't enough, though; I still see myself in the shards of glass that I have made! I smash those as well and watch them turn to little pieces. But it's no use. Every time I smash the mirror pieces further; more are created and just stare back at me to show my horrible self. I couldn't take it. I slowly fell on my butt and wept my sorrows away. I've been doing that for a while now and it doesn't look like it'll leave me alone, just like Rigby did.

Rigby. That name used to make me smile. Every time I saw his face as he entered the Coffee Shop, I just lit up with glee. Before we grew closer, he responded to my smiles and advancements with rejection and contempt. I was convinced that he was just playing hard-to-get and would eventually grow to like me and for the most part, it was true. As we hung out more, his attraction to me grew. I still couldn't believe he thought I looked hot without my glasses on! As the days passed, we grew a little closer and closer but we never truly hit it off. And then a made a mistake.

I slept with him. I still couldn't believe I did it. It was my first time and possibly Rigby's first time, as well. I never pictured that we would make love that night. All he wanted was a place to stay the night, but he took it too far. He wanted more, and I didn't know if I wanted more too.

"I've always thought you were hot, Eileen," he told me that day, "and all I want is you."

And I fell for it. I sighed at my poor decision. It was my fault I fell for his advances. And here I am, crying in my bathroom with a smashed mirror and a baby in my womb. All because of Rigby.

I hate him. I swear to God that I hate him.

No.

No, I don't hate him.

I can't hate him. God, why can't I hate him? Even after all he's done to me, I still can't stop loving him. I can't stop thinking about that gorgeous fur, that bushy tail, and that cute face. He's just so handsome. But why doesn't he think the same about me? I know I'm not what people would consider "sexy" but I still believed that I was good-looking enough for Rigby. It didn't matter. Looking at me now, I can see why I disgust him.

All my life I've always wanted someone to love me. After my parents divorced and my dad committed suicide, I've always felt alone. The only person that's there for me is Margaret and I love her for that. She's the greatest friend that anyone can have. If she could look at me now, she'd be disappointed to have such a weakling for a friend, and I'm not talking about Rigby. I'm talking about me.

I'm worthless. I'm not alive; I just exist.

Well, no more. No more. With a face full of tears, I stand up and shut the bathroom door. After that's done, I head back to my bedroom. I take a look at my dresser and notice a picture that I'm fond of. I walk closer to the picture and pick it up to see Rigby and myself. He has his arms around my waist and was hugging me and my large belly. We had taken this picture when I was seven months pregnant. I smiled at how cute we looked and then immediately reverted back to my angry state. With all the force I could muster, I throw the framed picture across the room and hear it crash on the wall. I never looked back. He turned his back on me, so I'm doing the same to him. I kneel down and open my padlocked bottom drawer. Once opened, I pull out a leather black case. It was combination-locked, so I enter the code and take out something that my father had given me from his days in Vietnam: a snub-nosed Colt Python.

I haven't seen this pistol in years. My dad taught me how to shoot with it when I was fourteen and he let me have it on my eighteenth birthday just in case I ever needed it. My dad once told me he used this gun to blow a Russian's fingers off. I slip the cylinder out, load it with one round out of the eighteen he left for me and put the cylinder back in its place. I stand up and walk to my spacious living room and sit on my brown loveseat. I remember when Rigby and I kissed here. It felt nice, but this seat now fills me with more sorrow. As I let tears flow down my cheeks again, I raise the revolver to my right temple and sit there.

I just want to go to sleep. Finally take the big long sleep that we have to face someday. But for me I'm taking the trip early, and I'm taking my baby with me whether he likes it or not. He shouldn't have to live in a world where his father isn't around and his mother has to work two jobs just to make ends meet and never truly give him the life he deserves. It's not fair. I've always pictured starting a family with Rigby. We'd have so many kids, a big house, and a wonderful marriage.

But life's not fair. I learned that harsh fact when it slapped me in the face.

God, please forgive me for this. I know I won't be seeing you or baby Jesus in the afterlife, nor will I be seeing the Pearly Gates when I pull this trigger but just know that I am sorry for this. Just...please have mercy on my soul.

Dad, if you're watching down on me from up there, please, _please_ forgive me. I know you probably didn't intend for me to use your gun like this, but I've had enough. My heart has been broken too many times for me to recover. I just don't know what I should do. I just want to escape, and this gun you gave me will help me on my way. I know you'll be disappointed with not seeing me in Heaven, but I don't know what else to do. I love you, daddy...

Mom? I know you can't hear me from your house, but I wanted to tell you that I love you too. I forgive you for leaving daddy and I'm sorry our last meeting ended in such a bad way. I wish I could take it all back; I really do. If you were here, you'd know what to do. You know what it's like to have your heart broken.

I'm sorry Margaret, but I'm not as strong as you thought I was. I guess the obituary will let you know. I thank you for being there for me all these years. Every time I cried, you were there with a shoulder to cry on and a tissue to wipe my eyes with. You're the best friend that anyone could ever ask for. Please tell Mordecai I'm sorry, as well. As for Rigby…

What about Rigby? He doesn't care. He probably won't even come to my funeral, let alone take responsibility. Heck, maybe he'll leave the country, go knock up another innocent girl and ruin her life. It never stopped him before. But even with the sheer animosity that I have towards him at this very moment…

I still love him.

I put the gun down on the coffee table and pick up a pen next to it. I walk to my home phone and pick up the notepad beside it. With a pen and notepad in each hand, I write down my suicide note. My hands keep trembling as I jot down my last words on the notepad. I feel more tears coming in as I finish writing. I don't bother to hold them back anymore; I just let them flow down my cheeks. I don't even care at this point. The only one that can hear me is my baby.

My baby...

I collapse on the floor softly and bawl in extreme sadness. My unborn child doesn't deserve this. He never even got to see his own mother. I know I might now be thinking straight, but it's for the best that he's never born. I'm sure he'd be ashamed to have such a disgrace for a mother and a coward for a father. I won't let him be adopted either. I won't risk him growing up in an unsuitable environment with no mother or father. In this cruel world we live in, anyone is better off dead. Just like me.

After a while, I pick myself back up and grab the Python again. I pull the hammer back on the revolver and place my finger on the trigger. This is the end for me. No more will I take another breath of air, work at the Coffee Shop with my best friend Margaret, or even see my child born and watch it grow up. More tears start to run down my cheeks as my right arm trembled with intensity.

No more.

No more life. No more baby. No more being hurt. No more Rigby.

And no more Eileen. This is it.

"Goodbye…"

_**BANG!**_

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: Well, aren't we off to a dark start? I've always wanted to start with a cold opening for one of my fanfics and now it's a dream come true. I originally meant to put lyrics of the song **_**The Night Will Always Win**_** by Elbow on this chapter, but since that's apparently banned now I had to omit them. Besides, who does that anymore? Songfics are so 2011! Anyway, reviews, comments, criticism, corrections, nitpicks, fun facts, compliments about my dashing good looks and answers to math problems are welcome and as always: keep suggestions about where the story should go and requests to yourself. Nanook out.**

_**I'm not a firearms expert; I just play a lot of first-person shooters.  
-Mr. Nanook**_


	2. Xs and Exes

**Xs AND EXES**

_**NINE MONTHS EARLIER…**_

"Dude, this isn't gonna work."

"Yes, it will man! Now shut it! Here he comes."

Just as the raccoon had finished talking, Benson came driving the cart up to the snack bar. "Ah, Mordecai and Rigby!" he called. "Due to last week's infection, Pops won't be able to take snack bar duty today, so you two will have to take over his shift. It's an extra hour, so stay tight, you two!"

"Okay, watch this," Rigby said. Both he and Mordecai were hiding behind some bushes next to the snack bar. Rigby had come up with a new plan to skip a job or two: use decoys. Using various amounts of clothing and objects around the house, Mordecai and Rigby had created two dummies that barely, and I use that term loosely, resembled the pair. The Mordecai decoy had two black broken broom handles for legs, a blue and white pillow for a body, two black-painted backscratchers for arms, a coffee can painted blue for a head, and two golf balls for eyes, along with a black waffle cone for a nose.

Dummy Rigby consisted of a medium-sized brown paper bag with stripes drawn on it with a marker, one brown mop handle to create both arms, a pair of brown socks stuffed with sausage to create the legs, and a small brown basketball for the head, complete with eyes, nose and mouth drawn on it with a pen. Rigby also taped two chocolate chip cookies on the sides to create ears, but took a bite out of one of them, creating a disfigurement. It was standing on top of a stool due to height issues. A lone walkie-talkie was sitting behind the counter between the two dummies; all a part of the plan.

Rigby held a walkie-talkie in hand and pushed the button in front of it to speak. "Sure, Benson," he said to the speaker. "We'll do it because we really value our jobs." Benson nodded as he heard the confirmation.

"Well! Good to hear you two are so eager to get started. All right, I'll see you two in an hour," he said and drove away. The real Mordecai and Rigby walked out from the bushes and looked in amazement at the decoys they made.

"I can't believe that actually worked," Mordecai said awestruck.

"Aw, yeah!" Rigby exclaimed happily. "I told you it'd work! Up high!" he said and extended his palm to Mordecai. The blue jay sighed and slapped it. "Now let's get going! We got a free hour to spend!"

"Yeah, we do!" Mordecai declared.

"OOOOOOHHHHHHHH!" they cheered. The both of them were set to walk back to the house to play video games and eat some pizza, but then heard a mysterious, yet familiar third voice joining in their victory screech.

"…OOOooooooohhhh," the walkie-talkie behind the counter let out. The pair immediately identified the voice as none other than Benson, who had managed to find the walkie-talkie behind the bushes. Both Mordecai and Rigby froze in fear, knowing that their plans to slack off have been foiled and were at the mercy of their gumball machine boss. "Nice try, though. I'm not as blind as you two think! Now get those two dummies, and I'm not talking about you two, to the dumpster and cover Pops' shift, or **YOU'RE BOTH FIRED!**" Benson threw the walkie-talkie in front of the pair, got back to his cart and angrily drove off. Both Mordecai and Rigby groaned in defeat.

"Aw, man!" Rigby whined. "We were so close! I could so totally see it!"

"Dude, if he didn't fall for the holograms that one time, what makes you think this would have worked?"

"Well, I-" he started to say, but then paused to think about it. "I-uh…well, it was worth a shot."

"Let's just get this over with, dude."

Rigby sighed. "Fine, but I call the stool."

* * *

After Mordecai and Rigby disposed of the two trash decoys they had created, both just stood there at the snack bar bored out of their minds.

"Okay," Rigby continued, "so then the cop gets shot to death, but he's later revived as a robot cop! That's what I told my second-grade teacher what I wanted to be when I grow up. I was laughed out the class so bad, that my mom moved."

"Wow, that's sad," Mordecai commented. "I was once kicked out of math class in high school for saying 'that's what she said' when the teacher asked for a fourteen-inch ruler."

Rigby cracked up. "Oh, man! I'm totally stealing that!" Rigby stopped laughing as a person walked towards them. "May I help you?" he deadpanned.

"Yeah, I'd like a small water," he said. He was a rather small old man with thinning gray hair. His choice of attire was just a plain gray suit and tie, with a bowler hat to match. With black suede shoes and a gray beard, this guy was possibly the ultimate symbol for blandness. Mordecai nodded at his order and picked out a nearby Styrofoam cup to fill with water. After he did that, he handed the cup to the old man and he went on his way. "Good day, gentlemen!"

"Dude, how come we don't charge for water?" Rigby pondered.

"I don't know. I think it's like, the law or something. Ask Benson later." He replied a little puzzled as well.

"I'd rather ask him when our break is."

"We don't get breaks, Rigby."

"...crap."

* * *

Fifteen minutes have passed since there was a customer at the snack bar. The two men taking over for a sick lollipop man have been idle since then, waiting for any customers to serve. Unfortunately, they are met with no one.

Rigby groaned in boredom. "Dude, how long has it been?" he whined to Mordecai. "An hour?" Mordecai pulled out his cell phone and checked the time. He knew an annoying groan would come out of Rigby's lungs, but proceeded to tell him the bad news.

"It's only been fifteen minutes," he alerted the annoyed raccoon. As he suspected, Rigby let out a frustrated groan that almost pierced Mordecai's ears.

"You're serious?!" Rigby cried. Mordecai nodded and Rigby let out another grunt, albeit not as annoyed as before. Rather, it was a disappointed tone. "Man, why did Pops have to get sick today?"

"Be lucky it's only for three days. If we do a good job, Benson will probably let someone else do it tomorrow."

"Maybe that, or we can do a bad job and he'll never trust us again! How about we do that instead?" Rigby proposed.

"Do you want Benson to hate us, or respect us?"

Rigby paused to think. Mordecai waited patiently, hoping that Rigby will say the correct answer. "Respect, I guess," he finally replied.

"Hmph, hmph, hmph," Mordecai hummed. "Right answer, man."

"Yeah, I guess. But still, I didn't think earning respect would be so boring!"

"What'd you expect it to be like?" Mordecai really did want to know how Rigby thought respect was earned.

"Like _Grand Theft Auto_! You know, like doing jobs like blowing up cars, beating people up and shootouts and stuff! You know; fun stuff!"

"Rigby, we work in a park. We do park things. I don't think blowing up cars and doing escort missions is a part of our job, dude."

"Well, I'd always secretly hoped that Benson was an underground drug dealer and that he'd ask me to be his right-hand man," Rigby revealed. Mordecai stared at him with complete disbelief at what he just said.

"Uh huh…" Mordecai said in an unsure tone.

"Um, yeah," Rigby said as the moment immediately turned awkward. Both workers looked away from each other and stared at the ground. They twiddled their fingers and scratched the back of their heads, hoping that the other one would forget the awkward turn the conversation led to.

"So…" Mordecai began, "you too?" Rigby turned his head back to him and looked in awe.

"Yeah…" he said and nodded. Both workers exchanged a quick fist bump and smiled as the unpleasantness of Rigby's idea had been shoved away, hopefully to never come back.

* * *

Thirty minutes have passed since the two have taken over the sick Pops' shift and boredom didn't seem to want to leave. The two spent the last half-hour discussing various topics, all without seeing no less than one or two people come up to order something.

"No way, man! _Jurassic Park_ is way better than _Lake Placid_!" Mordecai boasted to his friend. The topic of the minute was giant reptile movies.

"Oh yeah? How many giant alligators were in _Jurassic Park_, huh? Oh yea-NONE!" Rigby bragged with a smug look on his face.

"It didn't need giant alligators! It had dinosaurs! Besides, they were crocodiles!"

"Same thing! Gah, forget this. I'm getting some chips." Rigby responded and hopped off his stool to get a bag of tortilla chips.

"Hey, those aren't free, you know!" Mordecai reminded him.

"I know, I know! I'll pay him…someday," he promised. Mordecai shook his head as the raccoon opened a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos and poured the chips into his mouth, creating many crumbs as he munched on the delicious ranch-flavored triangles. "Want some?" he offered the blue jay with a mouthful of light orange gooey paste that was once chips.

"Ugh, no thanks," he rebutted in disgust. Rigby shrugged his shoulders and walked back to the stool. "How much time left till we can leave?"

Rigby took out his cell phone and looked at the time. "Like thirty minutes left," he informed Mordecai. "What's the rush, man? We got half an hour of bro time!"

"Well, 'bro time' is boring!" Mordecai declared making quote marks with his fingers. "I'd rather clean the gutters than stand here waiting for no one! I'd rather mow the lawn than waste another minute here! I'd rather-"

"Kiss Margaret and take her over to her place for some 'hot coffee'?" Rigby teased.

"Exactly! I'd rather…" Mordecai then stopped to realize he's been had. "Hey, wait a second!"

"Ah hahahahaha!" Rigby laughed, causing Mordecai to frown. "You totally would want to do that instead of this!"

"Well…yeah, I guess!" Mordecai admitted. "Why are you making fun of me anyway? I don't see you crushing on anyone lately!"

Rigby stopped laughing as he heard this. "Dude," he said with a now serious tone. "Don't go there."

"Don't go where? Oh, you mean don't go talking about your lack of relations with girls lately?" Mordecai challenged. This was a sensitive topic for Rigby. He had had several problems with relationships and isn't able to hold down a girlfriend to save his life. Mordecai knew he was sailing on troublesome waters when he brought up this topic, but he didn't care. All he wanted was to hurt Rigby's feelings. Rigby didn't appreciate this nerve that Mordecai had struck and was ready to fight back, but wanted to give his friend a chance to quit now before he takes this too far.

"Quit it!" he demanded angrily.

"Oh, you mean how you quit trying to find someone who'd actually go out with you, or quit telling you the truth?" Mordecai challenged once more. The bow and arrow had been set and Rigby was in the way of the target.

"I'm serious, man!" he warned. He really didn't want Mordecai to take the conversation towards this direction and wanted him to stop now. Despite this, the blue jay refused to comply and decided to push his raccoon friend's buttons even further.

"Not as serious as a relationship, I'm sure!" Mordecai mocked, causing Rigby to shake in fury.

"Shut up!"

"Make me!" Upon hearing this, Rigby lunged towards Mordecai and knocked him down and slapped him twice in face before Mordecai shoved him off. The enraged raccoon landed on his back, rolled to his feet and ran towards his enemy with intent to kick the blue jay in his testicles. Mordecai was wise to his intention and sidestepped, causing Rigby to crash face-first into the wall. Mordecai took the opportunity to grab Rigby and pin him down. "Cool it, Rigby!" he demanded.

"STOP TALKING!" he screamed and kicked Mordecai in the beak. He let go and rubbed his sore beak. Rigby took the opportunity to get off his back and punched his friend in the face with his right hand. The force was enough to actually hurt Mordecai's left cheek.

"Ow!" Mordecai cried in pain. Rigby stepped back and rubbed his knuckles.

"I'm-I'm sorry, man," Rigby said with a smidgen of remorse. "But you wouldn't stop! You know how I get when you bring stuff like that up!"

"I know, I'm sorry," Mordecai replied. "I won't bring it up again. We cool now?"

"Yeah, we're cool," Rigby replied and accepted his friend's apology. "You need some ice for your cheek? I did hit you pretty hard." Mordecai scoffed at his kind offer to maintain his cool guy image.

"What! It didn't even hurt!" Mordecai lied.

"You said 'ow'," Rigby recalled.

"I said that just to make you feel better, dude. Punchies, right?"

"Nah, I got a better idea."

* * *

"Come on, 'Mordo'! Pick your spot!" Rigby gripped, waiting for his friend to make his move.

"I'm about to! Just wait!" Mordecai barked back. Sweat started to appear from under his brow as he hesitated to make his move. The pencil trembled in his hands as he looked at all the blank spaces of the grid. He pointed the pencil to an empty square and was set to draw his symbol on it, but immediately pulled the pencil away. Rigby was losing patience as precious seconds of his life were ticking away.

"Hurry up!"

Mordecai hastily drew an X on the bottom-center part of the grid. After reconciling, the pair decided to play a game of Xs and Os. After Mordecai made his first move, it was Rigby's turn and he drew an O on the center of the grid. Mordecai drew an X on the upper-center of the grid, and Rigby drew an O on the bottom-left of the grid in response. It was Mordecai's turn again and he chose the upper-left corner to place his symbol. Rigby chuckled at his foolishness and drew an O on the upper-right corner of the grid and declared victory, much to Mordecai's surprise.

"OOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!" he gloated to Mordecai's stunned face. "Eat on that, chump!" Mordecai shoved Rigby away from his face.

"You got lucky! Let's go again!"

"Ready to lose again? Bring it on!" Rigby challenged.

* * *

The two spent the remainder of their shift playing many rounds of Xs and Os. Mordecai only managed to win two games, while Rigby won a whopping eighteen. "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHH! I win again! Nine times in a row! Woo!" Rigby gloated, obviously proud of his massive win total.

"Beginner's luck!" Mordecai claimed. Benson drove up to the snack bar on his cart and honked the horn.

"Hey, you two!" he called out. "Your shift's over! You can go now."

"Aww, yeah!" Rigby cheered. Both friends high-fived themselves and Benson drove away, surprised to learn that the two slackers didn't skip out on a job for once. "So what now, dude?" Mordecai rubbed his chin and pondered on what they can do next. Suddenly, the sound of his stomach rumbling interrupted his thoughts.

"I don't know about you, dude but I'm pretty hungry," Mordecai brought up.

"Sandwich time?"

"Sandwich time." Mordecai nodded and they both left the snack bar to get some sandwiches from the Coffee Shop.

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: Before anyone brings it up, I am fully aware that moles have a reproductive cycle of about a month, but since the characters in this show are anthropomorphic animals that don't seem to have any of their animalistic traits that are attached with their species, then I might as well apply the same reproductive cycle that humans have to Eileen. Besides, it'll be a longer story this way. Hope you enjoyed and I'll see you in the next one. Nanook out.**

_**Imitation is NOT the sincerest form of flattery!  
-Mr. Nanook**_


	3. A Good Deal

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: If you haven't clicked that "Follow Story" or "Follow Author" buttons yet, what the hell are you waiting for?! Do that now to not miss out on the story and maybe even read it early if you're up at 9:00 AM Pacific Time. While you're at it, why not review? Let me know you care. Do it!**

* * *

**A GOOD DEAL**

After the two finished their hour-long shift at the snack bar, they decided to head to the Coffee Shop to grab something to eat. The two were also allowed to take a cart for doing such a good job; a reward that even the two found surprising of Benson to give. Mordecai and Rigby picked out their cart of choice and drove out of the park.

"Hey, Mordecai can I ask you something?" Rigby asked his blue friend.

"Sure, what?"

"Why do you suck so much at Xs and Os?" Rigby mocked and snickered for a moment, much at the expense of the embarrassed blue jay. "I mean it's so easy, a caveman could ace it!"

Mordecai punched his arm in response.

"Ouch!" Rigby whined and rubbed his probably-bruised arm. "Sore loser!"

"Whatever, man," Mordecai replied without a care in the world. "You got lucky. See me in a rematch and I'll own you!"

"Bring it, man!" the raccoon challenged. "Just be ready to bring a bucket to catch your tears when you cry from being beaten again! OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!"

"Oh, I'll bring one! Except it won't be for me; I'm giving it to you so you can put it over your head so no one will see your fail face! OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!" Mordecai quipped back.

"Oh, you think you can actually beat the Rigster? Ha! I got all _this!_" he said and rubbed his head to emphasize his supposed intellect in Xs and Os.

"'The Rigster'?" Mordecai brought up, not even being able to comprehend this new nickname.

"Yeah, the Rigster!"

"Well, I hope the Rigster is ready to head to the dumpster when he starts playing like garbage!" he responded with a smug look on his face. "Haha!"

"Do me a solid and shut up!" Rigby demanded. He didn't want to fight with his friend again, but his continued comments about his superior Xs and Os skills were starting to irritate him.

"Do me a solid and make me!" Mordecai replied as to challenge the raccoon yet again. Rigby unbuckled his seat belt and stood on the seat, ready to fight.

"Let's do this then!" he demanded.

"Dude, you should buckle up," Mordecai recommended. "I'm about to-"

"I don't care!" Rigby angrily interrupted. "You wanted this, so I'm giving it to you! So let's do this-"

_**SCREEEECH! **_Mordecai slammed the brakes and the cart went to a sudden stop as he parked it on the sidewalk nearest to the Coffee Shop entrance. The force was strong enough to make Rigby fall towards the front of the cart and slam his face on the cart hood, creating a slight bump on his cheek. He grumbled in pain then Mordecai said, "I told you, dude."

Rigby lifted his face away from the hood and rubbed his injured cheek. "Yeah, I see that. Ouch…" he muttered. He licked his teeth to make sure they were all intact. Luckily they were, so he saved himself a trip to the dentist. Both friends hopped out of the cart and entered the shop to see it buzzing with customers.

"Whoa," Mordecai commented about the sheer size of people there. About all the booths and tables were taken save for at least two or three and the line was about nine feet long. "What's going on with all these people?" One heavyset customer in a rush bumped into them and caused them to stumble to the floor.

"Outta my way, bird and gopher!" she snarled as she waddled to the exit.

"Hey, watch it lady!" Rigby yelled to the rude customer. The woman was already out the door, so Rigby and Mordecai picked themselves up. "Man, what a jerk! Hey, there's Margaret!" he said and pointed to the familiar sight of a red robin. The two walked towards her and noticed she was holding a large tray of various coffee mugs, salads, sandwiches, and fries.

"Hey, Margaret," Mordecai greeted. "What's going on here? Why is this place so packed?"

"Yeah, is it free sandwich day or something?"

"Oh, hey guys," Margaret replied. "My manager decided to boost sales by making a "buy two, get one half-off" promotion, so we're pretty occupied here, as you can see." Her arms were trembling with the heavy weight of the food items on the tray.

"Whoa, let me help you there," Mordecai offered and took the tray from her hands. "Man, you've got a really busy time here, huh? And I thought taking over Pops' shift was stressful!"

"Hey, man we had fun, remember?" Rigby brought up.

"Listen, I'd love to chat, but I really got to get going. What can I get for you two, by the way?" she asked and took out a pen and notepad.

"Two regular sandwiches," Mordecai replied and handed her back the tray of food.

"And fries!" Rigby added. "They're half-off, right?" Margaret nodded and walked away to serve the rest of the rowdy customers.

"Dude, come on. Let's find a place to sit before they're all gone!" Rigby said. Both of them looked around the crowded shop and spotted one empty table that they can use. The two of them rushed towards it, but another elderly man and his wife had already got to it.

"Damn it!" Mordecai cursed. "There's got to be another one!"

Rigby gasped. "Mordecai, look!" he said and pointed to a booth that was about to be left unoccupied by a group of four people. They both walked to the now-empty booth overjoyed. "We're gonna make it!"

The feeling went away as Muscle Man, High-Five Ghost, and Thomas managed to take the table before they could. "Aw, man!" Rigby complained.

"Hey, ladies!" Muscle Man said as he placed his fat buttocks on the seat. "Looks like you two found out about the 'buy two' deal, huh?"

"We didn't even know it was happening!" Rigby admitted. "Now get out! We saw this seat first!"

"Tough break, losers! You snooze, you lose! Now beat it! The three of us got some chowing to do!" Muscle Man rebutted, clearly with no intention of giving the two the spot they spotted.

"Sorry, guys," Thomas chimed in. "I'm just here for the food."

"Hey, waitress! A round of sandwiches over here!" Muscle Man called out. A middle-aged waitress turned to head to the loud green fat man and walked closer to the group.

"Actually, I'm feeling more like a salad today," Thomas brought up.

"A salad? Would you like a side of ranch and tampons to go with that, you lady?" Muscle Man mocked. "Three meat lovers' sandwiches and two with extra meat! Hop to it, grandma!" The waitress muttered something angrily and walked away.

"Aw, man!" Mordecai complained. "Where to now, Rigby?"

"I'm looking, I'm looking!" Rigby replied hastily. He scanned the packed shop and managed to find a small booth for two that was about to be left unoccupied by two young teenagers. They had all-black clothing with onyx-black skateboards to match.

"Man, those fries sucked!" the taller one griped. He had an eye patch with a skull and crossbones emblem over his left eye and had a barely-developing mustache. "Let's blow this joint."

"I don't quite agree with your statement," the shorter one commented. He was wearing a rather itchy beanie, as evidenced by his constant scratching of his hair, and a red clip-on lip piercing on the right side of his lower lip. "I would have to admit that those French fries that we just consumed were rather marvelous and were quite enough to suit my palate."

The tall one immediately smacked his palms to his face and told his brother, "Dude, I said you can hang out with me if you stopped acting like a dork! Now get it right, or I'm kicking you out of the club! You got it?"

The short one nervously cleared his throat and was about to reword his statement." Uh, I mean yeah! Those fries sure did suck! Oh, they sucked a lot! And not suck eggs! I'm taking balls! Big balls! Large balls! Gargantuan balls! Enormous-"

"Okay, Bradley. That's enough," the tall one interrupted. He and Bradley stood up and walked away from the table, giving Mordecai and Rigby the opportunity to pounce on the empty booth.

"Dude, it's clear!" Rigby informed his friend.

"Let's go!" Mordecai said and both animals sprinted to the empty booth and dived on the seats. "Yeah, we made it!"

"Yeah, we did! Up high!" Both friends exchanged a high-five and sat down to wait for their order. "Man, it's gonna take forever for our sandwiches to come here! Stupid 'buy two, get one half-off' sale!"

"Relax, Rigby. We got a lot of time to spare. Benson just texted me saying that we did such a great job, we get the rest of the day off!" Mordecai happily informed the impatient raccoon.

"Whoa, you serious, bro?" Rigby asked. Mordecai nodded to confirm. "OOOOOOOHHHHHHH-"

"SHUT UP!" an elderly man sitting across from them shouted. "Can you see I'm trying to eat here?!" Rigby piped down instantly.

"…ooooohhhhhh," he whispered with a low voice. Shaking off that web of embarrassment, Rigby turned his attention to the busy cashier's corner of the shop. The line hadn't seemed to simmer down since then as more and more customers lined up to take quick orders. Rigby noticed more waitresses were being deployed from the break room and recognized one to be none other than Eileen. "Hey, look. Eileen's out there."

Mordecai turned his head around and spotted the mole, as well. She had just come out of the break room in a rush and forgot to put her glasses on. "Oh, yeah," he said. "Looks like she forgot her glasses, though."

"I noticed," Rigby said as the last syllable trailed off. The raccoon was motionless and could not help but stare at Eileen. He just couldn't keep his eyes off her eyes. He had once said that she was hot without her glasses on, but glancing at them again, he thinks she's beautiful. He formed a small smile, but snapped back to reality as a blue jay's hand waved over his face.

"Dude, you alright?" Mordecai asked. After he had turned his head back to Rigby, he noticed his small friend staring into space and wondered what he was looking at. After seeing a slight smile, Mordecai realized what was up and cracked a smile of his own. "You were staring at Eileen, weren't you?"

Almost as if on cue, Rigby shook his head and looked back at Mordecai. "Wh-what?" he stammered. "No! I was just looking over there and saw that lady had her apron on backwards!" Mordecai didn't buy his bogus claim and turned his head again to look at where Rigby was staring.

"Uh huh. So which one, Rigby?" he asked. "You mean that one with the apron in the right place?" He pointed to a waitress with an apron in the correct direction. "Or that one over there also with the apron in the right place?" He then pointed to yet another waitress wearing the apron correctly. "Or maybe you're talking about _that_ one over there?" He then pointed his finger to the person that Rigby was actually staring at: Eileen.

"STOP TALKING!" Rigby barked back.

"Hmph, hmph, hmph," he hummed in victory. "Thought so."

"Gah! Fine, I was looking at Eileen! You happy now?!" the angry raccoon revealed in defeat.

"Yes."

"Did I not tell you to shut it?! I'm trying to enjoy my meal!" the elderly man brought up again. He took a bite of his salad and munched on it angrily to show his fury.

"Sorry, sir," Mordecai apologized. The old man turned his attention back to his salad while Mordecai turned his own back to Rigby. "Dude, there's nothing to be ashamed of. I know that you think she's hot."

"Yeah," Rigby confirmed, "I know. It's just that…I don't know. Now I'm seeing her in a different way! I just don't get it! I didn't think of her that way before! Now I can't keep my eyes off her! I just don't get it."

"Oh, I see what's going on here," Mordecai responded as he put two and two together.

"You do?"

"Yup! You're falling for her!"

"What?!" Rigby exclaimed with a shocked tone. Him…_falling_ for her? Sure, had been growing rather fond of Eileen over the past few months, but never did he consider the possibility of actually being attracted to her. "No, I'm not!"

"Quit lying and admit it! I know about those dreams you've had with her!"

Rigby's eyes bulged at that revelation. _"How the hell did he know?!"_ he thought to himself. "What are you talking about? I don't have dreams about her!" he denied nonchalantly.

"Oh, I don't know. Does this ring a bell?" Mordecai then leaned his head back and closed his eyes to imitate Rigby sleeping. He even slid down from his seat slightly to imitate his height. "Mmmm…oh Eileen!" he said with a mock Rigby voice. "Don't stop, Eileen. You're almost there!" Rigby's face turned red with embarrassment as he heard Mordecai re-enact his sleep talking. "Yeah, there's the flagpole! You beat stage one! Now how about a _reward?_"

"SHUT UP!" Rigby snapped and stood from his seat. Several of the other patrons around the shop turned to observe the scene.

"GAAAAAHHHH!" the old man shrieked from the top of his lungs. "That's it! I have asked and asked again, but clearly do you do not know the definition of "shutting the hell up"! Screw this place and screw you, raccoon! Thanks for ruining my meal!" He angrily shoved his garden salad off his table and broke the plate. "So long, assholes!" he said, grabbed his fedora and stormed off. All eyes were on the angered elder as he walked out the door, flipping the bird to Rigby before walking out of sight. As soon as the man was out of eyesight, the patrons resumed to their previous activities.

"What a weirdo," Muscle Man commented with a mouthful of sandwich and no shirt on.

"Awkward," Mordecai brought up to ease the tension. "So anyway, I don't care what you dream about, but it's pretty obvious that you're feeling something about her."

Rigby sighed. "Fine, I guess I do," he finally admitted.

"Well, why don't you ask her out then?"

"Why don't you just ask Margaret out?!" Rigby barked back. "There! How does that feel? Not so good, huh?!"

"Quit changing the subject, dude! And I'm waiting for the right moment to come. You, though, are just letting this chance pass by! Why won't you just ask her out?"

"Drop it, man!" Rigby demanded. He really did not want to have this conversation and was desperately trying to get Mordecai to stop talking about it.

"Not until you answer my question!" he stated with determination to get an answer out of the reluctant raccoon.

"I don't wanna!"

"Rigby!"

"No!"

"Just say it!"

"Ne-"

"Hey, guys," a female voice interrupted. Both of them turned to see Eileen holding a tray with two sandwiches and a box of fries, all baked to perfection. Both mammals noticed that she had finally put her glasses on. "Sorry it took so long, but as you can see, it's a pretty busy day today. Darn these special deals!" she cursed and placed their orders on the table. "I double-dipped your sandwich, Rigby; just the way you like it," She shot Rigby a smile. He didn't return it.

"Um, thanks Eileen," he replied back with no expression. Mordecai frowned at his response.

"Oh…you're welcome," Eileen said with a disappointed tone. "Well, enjoy the food, guys. I better go. Bye." She looked back at Rigby one last time, and then started to walk away. Suddenly, the light bulb in Mordecai's head lit up as he suddenly came up with a great idea.

"Wait, Eileen!" Mordecai called. "Before you go, I believe Rigby has something he wants to ask you," Eileen turned back at the raccoon of her dreams and Rigby shot Mordecai a glare.

"Dude, no I don't!" he said to Mordecai.

"Dude, yeah you do! Now why don't you just finally ask Eileen?"

"But I-I mean, you-but-but we, I mean-she and I, well," Rigby stammered incoherently. He didn't like being put on the spot like this and had no choice in the matter; he had to do it. He stood silent for a second and looked on at Mordecai.

"Well?" Mordecai asked? "Do you have anything to say to Eileen?" The woman in question was completely lost on what was happening, but really did want to know what Rigby wanted to ask.

"Fine!" Rigby replied in defeat. He turned his entire body to face Eileen and asked her, "Eileen, do you maybe want to…" he trailed off for a bit and left Eileen in suspense. Mordecai cleared his throat to get Rigby to finish his sentence.

"Yes, Rigby?" Eileen asked, hoping to get the raccoon to continue his question.

"Eileen, do you maybe want to go out on a date sometime?" he finally asked. Eileen couldn't believe it. Rigby was finally asking her out! She had dreamed of this day for many months and had never pictured it happening sooner than she'd imagine.

"_I can't believe it!"_ she thought happily to herself. "_He's actually asking me out! Me!"_ She couldn't hold her excitement and formed a big grin on her face.

"Yes, I'd love to!" she replied with glee. Rigby couldn't help but smile, too.

"Oh, well…great!" he said. He didn't want to admit it to anyone, but he was actually kind of happy that Eileen accepted his forced offer.

"I'll call you later to talk more about it. Right now, I really got to get back to work!" Eileen informed her future date. "Bye, Mordecai! Bye, Rigby!" She picked up the now-empty tray and rushed back to serve the rest of the customers.

"Yeah, bye…" Rigby said and waved at her. Once she was out of his sight, Rigby turned back to Mordecai and slammed his fist on the table. "What the 'H' was that, man?!" he demanded to know.

"What? I was helping you, dude!" Mordecai claimed. "If you weren't going to ask her out now, I figured I'd give you a little push! Besides, what's the big deal? She said yes, didn't she?"

"Well, yeah! But still-" Rigby started to say, but couldn't come up with a rebuttal. Despite the sudden "do-or-die" situation that was forced upon him just mere moments ago, he did have to admit that it worked out quite well in the end. He had a date with Eileen in the works and it was not a part of a solid.

"But what?" Mordecai wanted to know. He knew he had finally played matchmaker and couldn't be more satisfied with the result.

Rigby sighed in defeat again. "Thanks, Mordecai," he finally said.

"No problem, dude," he replied happily. "Now let's eat these sandwiches. We got a whole day to do whatever we want!" Rigby nodded and the both took a bite of their respective sandwiches.

* * *

_**Textbook definition of a psychopath  
-Mr. Nanook**_


	4. Terrible Termites

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: Well, it appears real life has placed another thorn in my balls. Due to midterms and finals coming up soon, chapter uploads will be coming in much slower. Even after the semester ends, I'm immediately going on summer vacation to Mexico, so expect two weeks of no updates. I know many weren't hoping for a delay, but shit happens and life gets in the way. Another chapter will be release around the end of May, so hopefully that will hold you over until mid-June. Well, read up.**

* * *

**TERRIBLE TERMITES**

"I still can't believe you did that to me," Rigby brought up again as the pair drove home from the arcade. After the two workers finished up their lunch, they decided to spend their day off having a good time. First up was a trip to the video store to pick up several movies for a movie night. After picking up two movies of their choice, they headed to the arcade for a three-hour game-playing session. Rigby actually managed to beat Mordecai four times in _Strong Johns_. Despite the wins that he managed to get over Mordecai, one thought that never left Rigby's mind is him asking out Eileen. "I mean, you just don't do that, man!"

"I don't even know why you're still whining about it, dude," Mordecai defended. "She said 'yes', didn't she?"

"Well, yeah but it's the principle that counts! The principle!"

Mordecai blew a raspberry in response. "Whatever, dude. Just be glad you have a date."

"I guess," Rigby admitted. He looked into the paper bag containing the videos that they picked out earlier today. "Which one should we watch first? Oh, how about _Terror Termites_?"

"Is that the one you picked out?" Mordecai asked.

"Yeah!"

"Figures."

"Shut up!" Rigby barked back. "Just look at this box art! How could you not watch it?" He took the VHS tape out of the bag and showed it to Mordecai. Indeed, the box art was rather interesting as it showed a gigantic gray termite towering over several skyscrapers. Trying to take down the horrid insect were several fighter planes and harriers. The bottom of the whole scene displayed the logo "TERROR TERMITES" and the tagline "Craving more than just wood!" was displayed below it.

Mordecai took a moment to fully observe the video's box. "Well, it does look pretty cool. I'll give it that. I guess we can watch it first."

"Aw yeah!" Rigby cheered. He kept digging deeper into the pile of movies contained in the paper bag and pulled out a copy of _Mexican Communists from Outer Space_ and _Spanks the Clown goes to the White House_. "Man, where do you find these movies?"

"Around the 'Cult Classic' section. They got tons of obscure movies back there. I was gonna get _Remembering Robbie Rogers_, but I said 'YOLO' and got _Mr. Mister _instead."

"Ah, good move, man." Rigby complemented and put the movies back in the bag.

The two finally made it back to the park. Mordecai drove the cart back into the garage and were greeted with a familiar living gumball machine. He was putting away two empty gas cans and picked up a screwdriver from a nearby open toolbox.

"Hey there, guys," he greeted. "Had a good day today, I assume?"

"Yeah, it was pretty good, Benson," Rigby confirmed.

"Well, good to hear. You two will be working a full shift tomorrow, just to let you know."

"We got it, Benson. Thanks for the day off," Mordecai thanked.

"No problem, guys. Hey, do a good job more often and I might see my two new co-managers!" Benson said and laughed. Mordecai and Rigby joined in the laugh, as well. The three chuckled for a cool minute, but Benson broke the laugh fest by stating, "But seriously, don't slack off, okay? Have a good night, boys."

"You got it!" Rigby replied. The three parted ways and the two workers headed to the kitchen to prepare for their movie night. "I'll get the popcorn!"

"I'll get the sodas!" Mordecai responded. Rigby headed to the countertop and opened a cabinet door to find a packet of uncooked popcorn. He removed the wrapper and placed the packet into the microwave. "Now how much time do I put on this thing?" he asked himself. He then noticed a button on the control panel of the microwave labeled "POPCORN". A smile formed on his face as he pushed the button. "Man, they make this stuff so easy!"

After the popcorn was popped and the sodas were selected, the two friends went to the living room to unload their items for their movie night.

"I got the popcorn!" Rigby said.

"I got the sodas and the movies!" Mordecai responded.

"Movie night!" they declared at the same time. Mordecai put the first movie of the night inside the VCR and pressed play.

* * *

**47 MINUTES LATER...**

"My God, this is so boring!" Rigby griped. Not an hour has passed and the movie had taken a toll on the two. While the beginning started with a rather raunchy sex scene ending with their house being destroyed by many termites and the two later being eaten alive by a giant king termite. The rest of the film was just build-up for the inevitable final fight and a lot of sappy romance that Mordecai and Rigby both found nauseating.

"Why did I let you talk me into watching this crappy movie?" Mordecai said and facepalmed at his poor decision. "This is terrible!"

"I didn't know it would be bad! Usually, cool box art leads to a good thing! It never let me down before!"

"Look, can we just stop watching the movie and watch something that's actually good?" Mordecai stood up from the couch and walked towards the VCR to hit "eject".

"No, wait!" Rigby said and sprang from the sofa to stop Mordecai. The force of his leap was enough to make him land on the blue jay's shoulders.

"What the?!" Mordecai squealed as he felt a raccoon land on his back. "Rigby, get off!" he demanded and pulled him off his shoulders.

Rigby landed on his feet and pleaded, "Don't stop the movie!"

"Why? It's terrible!"

"It's bad luck to stop a movie when it's already started!"

"What the 'H' are you talking about?"

"It's true, man! I read somewhere that a guy in Ohio stopped a movie midway through it and his TV exploded! It burnt his house down!"

"That's bullcrap," Mordecai replied to his friend's ridiculous allegation.

"Why?"

"You don't read!"

"Shut up! Just shut up and trust me! We have to watch the movie," Rigby concluded. Mordecai groaned and sat back down on the sofa. Rigby joined him soon after.

"Rigby, how long is this movie?"

"Uhhh..." Rigby trailed off, not wanting to tell him the total run time of the film in question.

"Rigby!"

"Uh, two and a half hours!"

"...shit."

* * *

"_Rigby?" a soft voice said._

_Rigby wanted to respond, but couldn't. He was frozen due to the mole's beauty. _

"_Eileen?" he asked, hoping to get her to speak again._

"_Over here, silly!" she teased. Rigby turned around and the area around him illuminated. He found himself outside of the park entrance. He looked to his hand and saw that he was holding a dozen beautiful roses in his hand. From the corner of his eye, he spotted the source of the sincere voice._

"_Wow," he whispered. He glanced at the mole in front of him and just gushed at her appearance. The mole in question was wearing a maroon-colored strapless dress that Rigby thought was the most gorgeous thing he had ever seen her wear. She also wore some very stylish black heels to match her dress. Rigby was almost ready to drool, but he kept his composure._

"_I-uh, Ei-Eileen..." he stuttered. He then remembered the flowers in his hand and presented them to Eileen. "Oh! These are for you!"_

"_Hmm," she said and took the flowers from his hand. She tilted them on their side and examined them. Rigby didn't know why she was doing this, but didn't question her. Eileen then frowned, which caused Rigby to panic._

"_Um, what's wrong?" he asked in concern._

"_Pathetic," was all she said in a tone that Rigby had never heard before._

"_Wh-what?" he exclaimed in complete shock. Eileen responded by tossing the flowers into a nearby garbage can. Rigby cringed as he saw this heartless and hurtful act._

"_You expected that to win me over? Wow, you're even more stupid than I thought!" Eileen mocked. Rigby couldn't believe what he was hearing. This wasn't Eileen. This couldn't be her. Eileen would never say these horrible things to anyone, let alone to one of her friends._

"_Why are you saying all this?" Rigby replied, obviously hurt._

"_Isn't it obvious?"_

_Rigby shook his head._

"_It's because you're pathetic!" she rebutted with a cruel chuckle. Rigby froze with his mouth agape at what he had just heard from the mole that he was rather fond of. "Why would I ever go out with a runt like you?"_

"_We-well, I-" Rigby stammered, but was halted by a palm pointing to his face._

"_No, wait let me guess," Eileen interrupted with a sarcastic grin. "It's because you like me, right?"_

"_Well...yeah."_

_Eileen cracked up after she heard his response. This wasn't the kind of laughter Rigby was used to. No, this laughter was much more disdainful and hurt Rigby's feelings._

"_What's so funny?" he wanted to know._

_Eileen kept laughing._

"_What's so funny?!"_

_She didn't pause. Now she was laughing harder._

_That was enough. Rigby shook her furiously and desperately asked her, "WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?!"_

_As if being deactivated like a robot, she stopped laughing and had a smug smile on her face. "It's funny because it's pathetic," she revealed._

"_Huh?!"_

"_It's pathetic," she continued. "Did you really think I ever liked you? Did you actually think that I like you? Ha! How could anyone like you? You're nothing but a loser slacker working in a dead-end job with nothing to show for it! Why on earth would I ever like you?"_

_Rigby was bewildered by this revelation. He just couldn't believe it. Eileen confessed that she doesn't have feelings for him. He was crushed beyond belief. Tears started to form from his eyelids as he formed a frown._

"_You don't mean that, Eileen," he said holding his head down. He hoped that Eileen would snap out of it._

"_I do," she asserted. Just like sugar in coffee, her body started to disintegrate into tiny pieces of what Rigby believed to be sand. He kneeled down and ran his hands through the sandy remains of what was once Eileen's body. He scooped up a handful of sand and held it in his palms, completely speechless of what had happened to Eileen._

_Suddenly, the sand started to squirm. Rigby looked to his hands and noticed a terrifying sight. The sand in his hands had turned into termites! The sight of these tiny insects frightened Rigby to the point that he shook his hand furiously to get the termites off of them. The termites wouldn't fall off his hands and crawled further up his arms, reaching his chest and sinking into his chest. Rigby could feel them entering his heart and eating it from the inside._

"_Oh, man!" he groaned and fell over in pain. "Make it stop! Please!" The sound of his flesh being penetrated by flesh-eating termites was not a pleasant thing to hear, but the raccoon soon heard a familiar word that baffled him earlier._

"_Pathetic"_

* * *

Rigby's eyes snapped open and his body jerked up. He found that he was in the living room and lying on the sofa. The TV in front of him displayed the end credits for Terror Termites and to the right of him was a snoring blue jay. The pair had fallen asleep watching the film, most likely due to its boring nature. Whatever the case, Rigby was very happy to be awake and relieved to find no flesh-eating termites digging through his body. Still, the raccoon was in shock of the nightmare that he had. A crippling wave of insecurity struck him as he pondered on if that experience possibly meant something that Eileen actually felt.

He wanted to shrug it off. He wanted to shove it aside and go back to sleep, but something deep in his mind just wouldn't drop the idea. The only thing in that moment that Rigby knew was that he wasn't going back to sleep anytime soon.

* * *

_**If you're expecting an apology, I hope you have nowhere to be, because it's going to be a long wait.  
-Mr. Nanook**_


	5. Countertops and Communists

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: Can you people please stop asking me to continue the story? I'm already intending on doing that, but I have a life as some of you might not know. I'm a college man and have to keep track of my studies. I also have to write papers, study, go to class, maintain relationships with my friends, exercise, and most importantly, eat food. I will try to devote at least two hours every day to write, but for now, chapters will be coming in slower. Trust me; it'll be worth the wait.**

* * *

**COUNTERTOPS AND COMMUNISTS**

It was a bright sunny day in the park and what better way to spend it than trimming hedges?

Well, at least Benson thought that as he handed out the jobs of the day to the workers of the park. The temperature was at least seventy degrees and the sun was shining hot. Pops decided to make some lemonade to keep the workers hydrated, complete with butterscotch ripple lollipops substituting for little umbrellas.

"Um, thanks Pops," Benson complimented. He took a sip from his cup and went back to the house to make some phone calls. Mordecai and a somewhat groggy Rigby took their lemonades from an always-smiling Pops.

"Make sure you recycle those cups when you're done, boys!" Pops brought up. The boys nodded and headed off to the Zen Garden. Apparently, someone thought it would be funny to trace the words "MR. SLATE AND HIS GANG OF RED STARS RULE THIS JOINT!" on the sand. It was Mordecai's job to clear the crude message and align the sand back to its proper state. Rigby walked closer and noticed a folded piece of paper was sticking out of the sand.

"Hey Mordecai, there's a note here," he noted. He unfolded the paper and read the note to himself. Mordecai walked to him and read the note, as well.

It read: "**To whoever reads this, please accept my heartfelt apologies. My brother and I are associated with a pack of hoodlums and he, in his infinite wisdom, decided to make me an associate to his misdeeds. I am only a part of this because he declares me to be a 'nerd' or 'lame' person, as he so puts it. Please be aware that I am only observing he and the actions of his friends and have nothing but respect for this fine park that you fine gentleman are a part of. Just please be aware that I am indeed sorry for this.  
-Anonymous**"

Even thought the writer claimed to be anonymous, the header of the sheet of paper clearly had the words, "From the desk of Bradley Bison" written on it, thus giving away the identity of the writer.

"Huh," Mordecai commented after reading the last sentence. "Guilty conscience, huh?"

"What a nerd!" Rigby taunted. He tore the paper in half and gave the two pieces to Mordecai to keep. After that, he said that he's going to go get the tools to take care of the garden.

That was fifteen minutes ago. Mordecai was sitting under a shady tree, impatiently sipped the last of his lemonade and tapped his fingers on the plastic Dixie cup. It was normal for Rigby to take his sweet time to get something for a chore, but it usually didn't take him over fifteen minutes. Finally, Mordecai decided to take action and go find Rigby to see what the holdup was.

Walking through the hot, sunny dirt path and going past the dirty fountain that Muscle Man was cleaning, Mordecai soon spotted the tool shed where the tools to keep the Zen Garden tidy were in. He reached for the door handle and pulled it back to open the door. Unbeknownst to him, Rigby was leaning his back against the door and was sleeping. Once Mordecai opened it, the raccoon fell back and landed on the hot dirt. That sure woke him up.

"Gah!" Mordecai let out, sounding like a combination of a gasp and a shriek. Rigby groggily stood up and rubbed his eyes. Mordecai helped him to his feet and asked him, "What are you doing, Rigby? I was waiting for you to come back!"

"Oh, hey Mordecai," he greeted with a yawn. "What's up?"

"I'll tell you 'what's up'. We got a job to do and you're sleeping! Wake up, man!"

"I'm sorry!" Rigby stood to his feet and further explained himself. "It's just that I didn't get much sleep last night."

"Why? Was that boring movie not enough to make you fall asleep? It worked for me!"

"It's not that, man!"

"Then what's wrong?"

"It's just that... I'm _afraid _to fall asleep," Rigby revealed.

Mordecai raised his right eyebrow and stared at Rigby. "What?"

"Look, it's nothing!" Rigby said. "Let's just get back to work. Maybe that'll help me stay awake."

"Well, okay then." Mordecai grabbed the tools for the Zen Garden and the pair walked back to clear the sand.

* * *

Up next on the list of chores to do was to water the grass. Mordecai and Rigby thought it would be a great idea to stand on the roof of the house and water the grass from there. That way, they have a wider view around them and more range to shoot water. Both of them had two water hoses, complete with nozzles and sprayed the hot grass with cool water, making a rainbow visible through the streams.

Rigby was too out of it to notice the rainbow. He found himself unable to squeeze the trigger and failed to make any water spray out of the nozzle, apart from a few meager drips. He unconsciously leaned forward; forcing him to take several steps in that direction and was now at the edge of the roof, almost ready to kiss the hedges below.

"Hey, Rigby check this out," Mordecai called. He aimed the nozzle at a nearby tree and fired the hose in short continuous bursts. "Burst-fire," he said and chuckled. Once he stopped shooting the hose, the sound of leaves rustling from what seemed to be below the edge of the roof forced him to turn around. He did and noticed that Rigby was no longer on the roof. He ran to where he was and looked left and right to find his lost friend. He finally looked down and to his surprise saw a snoozing Rigby lying on top of a hedge twitching his limbs, but not in pain but rather of a troubling dream he's having.

"Mmm, no don't go... I do care for you..." he muttered. Mordecai had enough and climbed down from the roof to question his friend's narcoleptic behavior and nightmares. He brought the hose with him as he climbed down the roof and aimed it at the sleeping raccoon. A cool burst of water shot out of the hose and was enough to make a raccoon with troubling dreams wake up.

"WAAAH! Help, I'm drowning!" Rigby squealed and flailed his arms and legs around like a fish out of water. "YAAHH!" Rigby fell off the hedges and landed on his belly with a soft thud.

"Rigby, what is your problem today?" Mordecai demanded to know in his best attempt at a sincere tone of voice. "I know you're tired because you didn't sleep, but then you brought up nightmares! What's up?" Rigby stood up and sighed.

"Fine," he said, "if you want to know, it's about Eileen."

"What about her?" Mordecai asked. He knew about the future date planned between them, but was wondering why Rigby would be having bad dreams now. He thought he'd be happy. He was going out with a girl that he's had his eye on lately, after all.

"I don't think I want to go out with her anymore."

"What?!" Mordecai said in complete shock. "Dude, why not? I thought you wanted to! That's why you asked her out!"

"No, you forced me to ask her! I didn't want to do it yet! I like to take my time with stuff like this! Besides, what if she doesn't like me?"

"Is that what you were dreaming about? Her not liking you?"

"Yes!" Mordecai looked at his insecure friend with disbelief. _Why the hell would he even think that?_ he thought to himself. _Doesn't he know she's crazy for him? I mean, it's not like she does a good job of hiding it._

Rigby walked in a circle around Mordecai and said, "I don't know! I just keep wondering why she would like me! I treated her like dirt that day you owed me ten solids and she still likes me! I just stood there when Death Bear was about to kill her and she still thinks I'm cool! No normal girl should act like that! What if it's all just an act?"

"Why would she do that? We've known Eileen for years. You know she's not like that. Have you ever considered that maybe she actually does like you?"

Rigby stayed silent.

"Rigby?" Mordecai asked. He waved his wing around his friend's face, but he still didn't budge. "Hey, you okay bro?"

Finally, Rigby turned around and walked back to the house. Mordecai looked on in disbelief and followed him inside. "Rigby, wait!" he called as he stepped into the house to halt Rigby from going up the stairs.

Rigby stopped and turned around. "What?"

"What are you doing? You can't let these dreams get to you! It's all in your head!" he assured him.

"You don't get it, Mordecai! I'm just not ready for this!"

"Not ready for what?"

"A relationship!" Rigby revealed. "You know what happened last time, so I don't need to be embarrassed again!"

Mordecai shook his head and sighed. "You're still on about that? So the sex was bad. Who cares? Lots of people get nervous their first time!"

"Do they also last one minute?" Rigby said.

Mordecai sighed again in response. "Rigby, you can't let that get—"

"Did I just hear what I think I heard?" a familiar obnoxious voice chimed in. Rigby was horrified to see Muscle Man walk out of the kitchen and was sure he heard the whole conversation.

"Looks like little Rigby here is a minute man!" the fat green man taunted. Rigby turned red with both embarrassment and fury.

"SHUT UP!" he snapped.

"Aww, did I make you mad? That was fast! Almost _premature_, huh?Hahahahahahaha!" Muscle Man continued to laugh at the poor raccoon. Without a single word, Rigby turned and walked out the door, slamming it on his way out.

"Now look what you did, Muscle Man!" Mordecai scolded.

"What? It was a joke! It's not my fault he can't take it!"

"That's not the point! Rigby's really sensitive about stuff like this! He doesn't need people like you making fun of him for it!" Mordecai said back. When it came to issues like this, Mordecai was always willing to stick his neck out for his friend.

"Alright, geez!" Muscle Man said. "I'm sorry. I'll lay off him for now, but he really needs to learn how to take a joke! How else will I have a good time when it's April Fools' Day?"

Mordecai shook his head negatively. He walked to the window to see Rigby walk away and leave the park. Mordecai had an idea on where he might be going and knew this wasn't going to be an easy night.

* * *

Rigby walked out of the park and into the city without uttering a single word to anyone along the way. Skips asked him where he was going, but he didn't respond and walked through the front gate, not even taking a second to look at him. All Rigby needed was time to clear his head of all the bad thoughts of Eileen, or possibly Eileen entirely. Rigby thought of the possibility of just breaking off their friendship, not wanting to give her the dissatisfaction of being "friendzoned", but he had yet to make a final decision. The only thing holding Rigby back was himself.

In truth, Rigby did want to go out with Eileen. He was tired of being alone and wanted something to hold that wasn't a pillow. Unlike Mordecai, Rigby was always confident when it came to the ladies, but his childish attitude was one of the things holding him back from truly maintaining contact with women. While getting a girl to notice him was easy, the real challenge was actually keeping her. To be fair, Rigby was younger and more naive back then (yes, Rigby was even more naive than he is now), so he's improved over the years, but not by an astonishing rate.

It was obvious that the nightmares Rigby was experiencing were nothing more than his insecurities preying on his expectations about having a new romantic relationship. Rigby always convinced himself that he'd make a good boyfriend, provided that the girl understood his love for video games and sandwiches. On paper, Eileen seemed to be the perfect match. She loved video games and could hold her own in a game of _Karate Choppers_, but paper has two sides and Rigby was unsure of what the other side entails. Perhaps it contained the hidden dark side that Rigby dreamt about or perhaps it never existed. Rigby desperately hoped that it was the latter so he can relax and be at peace with the idea of a relationship.

All this was too much to take in for Rigby at the moment, so he decided to drown his dilemmas with a nice, cold beer. Heading to the direction of Mickey's Irish Pub, Rigby looked forward to his improvised day off. He knew he would have to pay the price for walking out during the middle of the workday, but it didn't matter to him. All he wanted was a drink.

Rigby finally made it to his destination, but to his surprise found something completely different. Where Mickey's Irish Pub should have been was instead a small windowless red and yellow-painted building with a large sign reading "Union of Soviet Socialist Refreshments" over the door. It appeared to be the same bar, but under new management. Rigby was perplexed at the sudden change, but paid no mind to it and entered the bar.

Rigby took a seat on the stool closest to the bartender. He took a minute to observe his surroundings of the bar he had entered. With a name like "Union of Soviet Socialist Refreshments", he didn't really know what to expect. All over the red and yellow wooden and stone walls were countless amounts of Soviet memorabilia, including portraits of Joseph Stalin, Mikhail Gorbachev, and Vladimir Lenin, several flags of the Soviet Union hanging over the doorways, Soviet World War II-era propaganda posters, several marble busts of famous Russian people, and a deactivated AK-47 assault rifle hanging over the bar counter. An AKS-74u compact carbine was hanging on the wall near the ladies restroom, which appeared to be pointing towards the door, with a PPSh-41 submachine gun pointing to the men's restroom.

Rigby turned his attention to the bartender and took note of his appearance. He looked to be in his early 50s and showed his age with gray hair and several strands of black that appeared to have been restored slightly with Just For Men Touch of Gray hair dye, giving the man an appearance of a communist Reed Richards with a little bit of gray stubble around his face and jaw. A scar on the right side of his face running down from his forehead to his lower jaw gave the man a rather dark demeanor. His left ring and pinky fingers were also missing and only stumps with aged scars remained. His choice of clothing was rather casual as he was sporting a red sweatshirt with a Hammer and Sickle emblem on the right shirt pocket and yellow sweat pants with stylish red stripes running down the legs.

"Hey, man," Rigby called to the bartender in front of him. "What's with all this Russian stuff?"

"'Russian stuff'?" the bartender repeated with his thick Russian accent. "This, my man, is _Soviet Union memories!_"

"Oh…" Rigby replied amused, "…what's the Soviet Union?"

The bartender's eyes bulged up as he heard about the raccoon's lack of knowledge of his home. He slammed his fist on the counter and snapped, "Please tell me that you DID NOT JUST SAY THAT!" He lifted his shirt a bit to reveal a holstered Makarov pistol with pearl grips.

"No, wait!" Rigby shrieked. "I know now! Yeah, Stalin and stuff! USSR! Mother Russia! World War II! Tetris! Ivan Drago! I got it, dude!"

The bartender stood in front of the frightened raccoon; his angered expression not escaping his face. The frown slowly turned to a grin and then he burst out laughing. Rigby was looking on at the laughing man in disbelief, wondering what's so funny. "Oh ho ho ho! That's funny, my friend! I like you! You get one beer on the house, comrade. What do you take?" he happily offered.

"Uh, Coors Light I guess," Rigby replied. The bartender grabbed a mug hanging over the bar and poured beer from the tap all the way to the top.

"Here you go, my man."

"Thanks," Rigby said. He lifted the mug to his mouth and took a quick swig.

"You ever been here before, man?" the bartender asked. "I don't recall raccoons ever coming in here."

"Oh-uh, no. I've had a long day and this is supposed to be where Mickey's Irish Pub is." Rigby revealed to the man. "What happened to Mickey?"

"Oh, he sold this place three weeks ago. I signed lease and opened up a new one, and it looks like you made right choice coming in here, comrade!" he praised. "Name's Alexei. Pleased to meet you," He extended his wrinkly hand to Rigby.

"I'm Rigby," he replied and returned the gesture, giving him a rather weak handshake. Alexei didn't notice, much to Rigby's relief.

"So, my friend," Alexei began. "What brings you to my wonderful bar? You have an intense love of the Сою́з Сове́тских Социалисти́ческих Респу́блик?

Rigby choked a bit on his beer and raised an eyebrow at Alexei. "The what?"

Alexei chuckled at the response. "I didn't think so. They teach you nothing in high school, Rigby?"

"I dropped out," Rigby revealed with embarrassment.

Alexei scoffed. "Typical American school system," he commented. "This country is good for harboring oil and taking more money than needed, but when it's time to teach the children, they fall flat like the Berlin Wall!" Rigby nodded in agreement to create the illusion that he understood. "Hey, don't sweat it, comrade! I didn't go to school either! I dropped out to do my part in Vietnam. Would've done more if I hadn't got my fingers and my damn leg blown off by some damn dirty mole!" He then stood on one leg and lifted his other to reveal a prosthetic leg. "This is what I have to show for it!"

"Cooooool," Rigby said in awe. He felt the leg with amazement. "That's awesome, man."

"Yeah, it makes for great story," he said and put his leg away. "So what bring you here, friend?"

Rigby shook his head and sighed. "One of the guys I worked with was giving me a hard time at work today."

Alexei scoffed again. "Hmph! Co-workers; they are the worst, huh?"

"You said it, Alexei!" Rigby raised his mug and took a long swig from it. "He was making fun of me for one bad experience with a girl! I don't got time to listen to his crap, so I just walked away and here I am."

"You having girl problems, man?" Alexei asked. Rigby nodded and took another drink, leaving the mug empty. "Here, let me top that off for you," Alexei insisted as he took the mug and refilled it with beer. He handed it back to Rigby and asked, "Women, right? Sneaky little hooligans, aren't they? With their prying eyes and hypnotizing gazes. That kind of shit will drive men mad! I stay clear from their nice, firm bodies knowing that they'll lure me in with their menstruation. And then they expect _me_ to wear condom? Ha! Get your tubes tied, lady and then we'll talk sex, right Rigby?"

"You said it!" Rigby replied, raising the mug and nodding in agreement. He was already slightly drunk after a beer and a half. Rigby was never good at holding down his liquor and always managed to be the first one drunk at parties. This generally led to him passing out first and other partygoers to draw crude images of phalluses and butts all over his face. "They're all like, 'I really like you' and then they ask for companionship and 'listening'! Are they serious?"

"Agreed, my friend! Who needs them? Incidentally, I'm not homosexual!"

Rigby burst into laughter at that comment. "I believe ya, man!" He then paused and took a deep breath. "But still, it'd be nice to be wanted."

"I feel you, Rigby. You like a girl right now?"

"I don't know," Rigby sighed. "There's this one girl that I see sometimes and I think she likes me, but I don't know if I feel the same."

"What she like?"

"She's smart, good at video games, kinda funny, and hot without her glasses on. But she's cute with them, so-"

"Ah!" Alexei interrupted. "Say no more! You like this girl!"

"What?! No!" Rigby defended, but wasn't entirely sure if what he's defending is true. "Well…I don't know." He took another long sip from his mug.

"Keep drinking, my friend," Alexei encouraged. "You'll figure it out soon."

* * *

_**TWO BEERS LATER...**_

"So this one-this one time, she's asking me out, right? So I went like 'I gotta do stuff today' and she totally bought it!" Rigby drunkenly told Alexei. "But then Mordecai—that's my best friend, by the way—asked me to do him a solid and we went out anyway!"

Alexei whistled in response. "Ahh. So you do the nasty with her then?"

"No! The date was terrible, but then we, Mordecai, Margaret—that's another friend of mine, by the way—and Eileen went camping and she-she freakin' made a motherflucking fire out of-out of nothing! I was like 'that's pretty cool, baby' and I totally made her blush and then I slapped my wiener at her face," Rigby then realized his error and said, "Correction: my wieners."

"You have more than one?!" Alexei asked wide-eyed.

"That's for me to know and for you to find out... but I don't want you to find out, so that's for me to know and for you to never find out!" Rigby then slammed his head on the counter and laughed loudly, making a few patrons turn their attention to the intoxicated raccoon. "One more round, Alexei!"

* * *

_**ANOTHER TWO BEERS LATER...**_

Rigby had his head down on the counter. He was sobbing quietly and was surrounded by three empty beer mugs. He decided to try a different set of beers, so he went for a Corona and a Budweiser. This only managed to reduce his self-control even further, as predicted.

"So after Mordecai shot me with the tranquilizer gun, Death Bear was ready to kill!" Rigby took another swig from the only mug that still had beer in it. "And then," he sobbingly said as he raised his head off the counter, "Death Bear was about to attack her, and I didn't even have the balls to save her! I was too numb! I hate life! I want to die already!" He broke down and cried his eyes out with his face on the counter.

"Hey, man. It's not your fault. Those tranquilizer darts are real ублюдки." Alexei assured him as he lightly patted his back. "Trust me; I know."

"I know, man. Real un-da-loo-kuns!" Rigby wiped the tears from his face with a tissue that Alexei had given him. "And even after all that," he sobbed with a smile, "she still likes me!"

"Wha-ho! You must have her under some kind of spell! If that were me, I'd never want to talk to your slow-ass again! I mean, no offense."

"Hey, none taken," Rigby assured him. "Man, we really hit it off that day! It could have probably led to something more…" The raccoon then noticed his beer mug was empty and said to Alexei, "Speaking of which, more please!"

* * *

_**YET ANOTHER TWO BEERS LATER...**_

"The lady in red is dancing with me, cheek to cheek," Rigby sang,

"There's nobody here, it's just you and me,

It's where I want to be,

But I hardly know this beauty by my side,

I'll never forget the way you look tonight;" Rigby then sighed and said, "This is her favorite song. She requested it during rollerblading, but I don't think they played it."

"Rigby, no offense but that song sucks like capitalism!" Alexei admitted. "Allow me to teach you a man's song."

"I already know _Back in Black_, Alexei."

"Then allow me to teach you an anthem!" He turned to a person near the jukebox in the corner of the bar near the restrooms, called, "Hey, you!" to him and tossed him a quarter. The man caught the coin and Alexei asked, "Hit number seven!" The man inserted the quarter into the slot on the jukebox, pushed the button labeled "7" and the Soviet National Anthem began to play. "Now we're talking!"

"Союз нерушимый республик свободных," Alexei chanted.

"Сплотила навеки Великая Русь!

Да здравствует созданный волей народов

Единый, могучий Советский Союз!"

Rigby looked on with awe and a lone tear ran down his cheek and his mouth agape. Alexei stood on top of the counter and continued the anthem.

"Славься, Отечество наше свободное,

Дружбы народов надёжный оплот!

Партия Ленина—сила народная

Нас к торжеству коммунизма ведёт!"

"Сквозь грозы сияло нам солнце свободы," another voice chanted. It was a Russian patron who was sitting next to Rigby. He stood on top of the counter too and joined Alexei.

"И Ленин великий нам путь озарил:

На правое дело он поднял народы,

На труд и на подвиги нас вдохновил!" The pair sang. Suddenly, more and more patrons joined in the chant; some of which weren't even Russian! They had only joined in to not feel left out and several were only speaking plain gibberish in an attempt to sound Russian. Rigby wanted to be one of them so he joined in, as well. Alexei picked him up and put him on his shoulders as they chanted the rest of the anthem.

"Славься, Отечество наше свободное,

Дружбы народов надёжный оплот!

Партия Ленина—сила народная

Нас к торжеству коммунизма ведёт!"

"Hey, you're doing great, Rigby!" Alexei commented and continued with the anthem, along with the rest of the patrons in the bar. At this point, everyone was on their feet and was chanting the anthem.

"В победе бессмертных идей коммунизма

Мы видим грядущее нашей страны,

И Красному знамени славной Отчизны

Мы будем всегда беззаветно верны!"

"Here's the last verse, comrades!" Alexei announced to everyone. "You ready, Rigby?"

"Let's do this!"

"Славься, Отечество наше свободное,

Дружбы народов надёжный оплот!

Партия Ленина—сила народная

Нас к торжеству коммунизма ведёт!" After the anthem was over, everyone applauded, making Alexei burst into tears of joy.

"This brings such pleasant memories!" he cried. "Да здравствует Родина!"

"Yeah, what he said!" Rigby announced and climbed off Alexei's shoulders.

"Rigby?" a soft familiar voice from behind him asked. He turned around and saw the girl he was talking about with Alexei: Eileen.

"Ei-Eileen?" Rigby asked as he walked closer to her to make sure he wasn't seeing things. He cupped her cheek with his hand, making her blush slightly. He couldn't help but notice how hot she looked with a red tank top and skinny blue jeans that did a great job of showing off her nice curves. Rigby suddenly hugged her for no reason other than to have an excuse to hold her body. "It's so nice seeing you here!"

Eileen was blushing uncontrollably at this point. She patted his back a bit and said, "Uh, you too Rigby."

"So, Eileen," Rigby said, slurring his words as he pulled away. "What-uh, what are you-uh, what are you doing in this incredibly fine establishment this late?"

"I should be asking you the same thing," she said. "Mordecai called and said you were heading off to this bar and said that I should come pick you up and be the designated driver, seeing as you clearly aren't fit to walk or drive home," Eileen explained to the drunk and rather touchy-feely raccoon.

"What?!" Rigby spat back. "Whatchu talkin' about, Willis? Everyone knows I drunk great when I drive!" Alexei walked over to the two and patted Rigby on the back, causing him to burp loudly directly to Eileen's face.

"Ha ha! A real lightweight this guy, isn't he?" Alexei commented. Eileen wasn't amused and fanned the foul stench of alcohol and peanuts away with her hand.

"Okay, fine. Take me home, your majesty," Rigby said in a mocking British tone. "Hey, Alexei. Put the bill on my tab, okay?"

"You got it, friend! Take care now and don't choke on your vomit! That's embarrassing way to die!" he responded with a thumbs-up gesture. Rigby then stumbled to the exit to wait outside. As Eileen went to follow him, Alexei tapped her shoulder. "You're Eileen, aren't you?" he asked the mole.

"Um, yeah…" Eileen replied nervously.

"So nice to finally meet you! That raccoon really has a thing for you!" he affirmed to her. Eileen blushed again.

"Rigby?" she inquired. "He…likes me like that? Did he really say that?" Surely he couldn't have said that, she thought. She and Rigby were only friends. Nothing more, and hopefully nothing less.

"Oh, he did! He just wouldn't shut up about you! I say, you two would make great couple! I know when I see and I see!" Eileen looked at him with astonishment. Rigby liked her more than a friend? She couldn't believe it. She knew that she and Rigby were growing closer, but never pictured that those feeling were turning into so much more. Was this the beginning of a new relationship between the two? Is it possible that now they could become..._boyfriend and girlfriend?_ Eileen couldn't resist smiling at the thought.

But her smiled faded as she remembered something: Rigby was drunk. His stench, slurring of his words and constant stumbling was a clear indication of that. Perhaps he didn't mean anything that he said about her. Maybe he was just drunk and thought that he liked her when he really didn't. Eileen was no fool; she could sense some deceit with Alexei's claims. But was it really that, or was it the truth? Eileen was determined to find out by tonight.

"Well, I'll be sure to talk to him about that when he gets home. Thank you, sir."

"Please, call me Alexei! Any friend of Rigby is friend of mine! Take care, Eileen and make sure he gets plenty of sleep. I'm sure he'll have headache in the morning!"

Eileen nodded and walked to the exit. "I'll make sure of that. Good night, Alexei!" She walked out the door and saw Rigby sitting on the sidewalk spinning his head.

_Did you really mean all that, Rigby?_ she thought to herself. _Or were you just being a fool? God, I hope not._

* * *

_**You wanna play a fun game? Compare this version to the sneak preview version and try to find all the differences! It's more fun than you think!  
-Mr. Nanook**_


	6. Two-Six-Three

**TWO-SIX-THREE**

Eileen watched as Rigby stood on the curb of the sidewalk spinning his head in circles. He was clearly not fit to walk or drive home, and Eileen could only imagine what kind of crazy antics a drunken Rigby could get into. "Rigby, what are you doing?" she asked him.

"Hey Eileen, you wanna see me puke a puddle shaped like Australia?" Rigby drunkenly offered to do.

"Um, no thanks, Rigby," Eileen said, clearly not wanting to see him vomit.

"Come on! Here, let me get warmed up," he insisted. Rigby then tried to induce vomiting, even making disgusting sounds with his throat in the process, but couldn't manage to make anything come out.

"Wait, hold on! URK!" Rigby tried to vomit again. "Wait, wait-HAFF!"

Nothing. "LURAGH!" He tried again, but the same result followed.

"Rigby, please!" Eileen said. "Let me just take you home."

"But I wanna impress you!" he whined, but then lifted his finger to the air. "Oh, wait; here it comes! Wait for it..." Rigby was sure he'd vomit now, but instead coughed violently on the ground. Eileen walked toward him and took a seat on the curb aside him.

"Rigby," she said, "that's enough. You're drunk. Let's take you home." Rigby turned his head to face her and smiled drunkenly.

"Whatever you say, good-looking," he replied with a poor attempt at a "sexy" voice. He slowly inched his hand forward, moving his fingers along as if they were spider legs, and placed it on hers. "Let's go."

Eileen felt his touch and got slight goose bumps upon it. "We-well then," she said and tried not to stutter, "let's get going."

"Lead the way, beautiful," was all he replied with before placing his other free hand under her palm. Eileen stood up and led him to her red Mazda MX-5 Miata. She opened the door for Rigby and he let himself inside the car.

"Whoa, nice wheels!" Rigby commented in awe. He felt the fine leather seats with his hands and took a whiff to smell a fresh pine scent from an air freshener hanging from the rearview mirror. He also giggled at the rather large size of the nearby cup holder, which seemed to be able to hold a two-liter bottle of soda. Rigby sat back in comfort knowing that his ride would be luxurious.

Eileen took the driver's seat and started up the car. She adjusted the mirror to her liking, put the car in reverse, and backed up into the street. "Buckle up, Rigby!" she asked.

"Yeah, whatever mom," he responded and reached for the seatbelt on his right. He yanked the sash with slight force and found it pretty difficult (at least while being drunk) to connect it to the buckle. His hands trembled as he struggled to make the seatbelt make the satisfying _**CLICK! **_sound that he so desperately wants to hear. He thought he had successfully strapped himself in, but mistakenly jammed the endpoint in reverse. He was quick to remove it and try again, but did the same mistake. Eileen noticed his struggle and chuckled at his clumsiness.

"Not funny!" Rigby said. "Just give me a minute!" He jumbled to connect the endpoints again, but made sure to check that they were on their proper sides. Within seconds, Rigby connected the endpoints and heard the sound that he had been dying to hear.

_**CLICK!**_

"Aw yeah!" he cheered. "OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH! Up high!" He raised his hand and pointed his palm to Eileen, signaling that she should slap it. She complied and slapped it with moderate force. "Ow! Not so hard!" he whined. Eileen rolled her eyes, put the car into drive and drove off from the bar.

"Hey, can I pick the radio station?" Rigby asked. Without even waiting for a response, Rigby turned the knob to switch radio frequencies. All that was heard through the speakers were various snippets from the many radio stations that Rigby was skipping through.

"Rigby-" Eileen said.

"Wait, I found something!" Rigby then stopped moving the knob and "Hellraiser" by Ozzy Osbourne was playing through the speakers. It wasn't too loud, but Rigby was drunk enough to hear it. Eileen could barely hear any sound from the speakers, but she was focusing on the road. "Aw yeah! This is my jam right here! My real jam, not that 'Summertime Lovin'' garbage that haunted me for days!"

"I like this song too," Eileen revealed, smiling. Rigby nearly jumped from his seat after hearing this. He never expected Eileen to enjoy this type of music.

"Whaaaaaaa?!" he said. "You like this music?" He blew a raspberry. "Liar!" he claimed. "I know for a fact that... well, I really don't know too much, now do I?"

Eileen giggled. "There's a lot of things you don't know about me, Rigby. It wouldn't hurt to ask once in a while.

"Yeah, well…" he said and trailed off. He nervously looked outside the passenger window and saw the many buildings that they were passing by.

Eileen cocked her head for a second and thought that Rigby had fallen asleep talking, but instead found him in deep thought. She wanted to tap his shoulder to get his attention, but she had to focus on driving.

"Eileen, I'm going to honestly be honest with honesty with-with—_**HUCK!**_" he hiccuped, interrupting his train of thought. Eileen listened as the raccoon struggled to even make a coherent sentence. "Excuse me. My head is kinda spinning right now."

"Just relax, Rigby. We'll be at the park soon," she assured him. Rigby instead turned to her, extended his hand and reached for her hair, causing her to jolt slightly from her seat.

"You're freakin' beautiful, you know that?" he slurred, his rancid breath reaching Eileen's nostrils and caused them to flare up. Despite this, she couldn't help but feel a little wobbly-legged over his drunken compliment.

"Th-thanks, Rigby," she said, trying hard to keep her composure with a flirtatious raccoon in her vehicle. Rigby drew his hand back and raised his other hand. He turned it around to observe the palm. He poked it twice with his index finger and raised his right eyebrow at the result. Shaking it off, Rigby then wrapped his index finger around the nail of his thumb, creating a "mouth". He repeated this with his other hand and created two hand puppets. Bobbing his thumbs up and down to simulate talking, Rigby muttered nonsense and had his hands converse with each other. Eileen didn't pay attention to this, but instead spotted the front gates of the park from the distance. She pulled in to the curb and turned to Rigby, observing him playing Puppet Theatre with his hands.

"Rigby, we're here," she informed him. He looked towards the park gates and noticed the lights of the house were still on. Suddenly, he remembered something: he ran out of work earlier that day and didn't say a word to Benson. He was sure that Benson was aware of this and feared that he might fire him on the spot. His eyes grew wide at this revelation. He didn't want to get fired over a drunken mistake, so he needed to wait it out and hope that this whole thing blows over. All he needed was one night.

But where to stay?

A motel? No. Rigby doesn't have the money to spend on a place to sleep.

Camp outside? Absolutely not. He doesn't have the proper gear or even basic survival skills to last with Mother Nature.

Rigby was out of options. He turned to Eileen and said, "Wait, I can't go home!"

Eileen was perplexed. "What?" she asked. "Why not, Rigby?"

"I skipped work today! Benson probably knows that, and if he sees me right now, he'll fire me for sure! I shouldn't get fired for this!" he whined.

"Relax, Rigby. I'm sure if you explain what happened to Benson, he'll-**OOF!**" she said, but was interrupted by a sudden embrace from Rigby, who had leaped from his seat to hug her.

"You don't know Benson like I do!" he said. "He'll fire me the second I step foot in there! I don't want it to end like this, Eileen! I don't deserve to lose my job for this! You can't make me go! You just can't!" He suddenly burst into tears and cried onto Eileen's chest. The tears soaked through her tank top and she felt completely awkward about the situation.

"Umm, Rigby," she said. "It's okay. Look, how about I come with you, and-"

"No!" he yelled, but the sound was muffled as his face was on her chest. He turned his head slightly to the left in order to be heard. "Please don't make me go, Eileen. I don't wanna get fired for this. This job… this job is all I have," He then directed his teary eyes towards hers and added one final "Please."

Eileen was taken aback with this situation. Sure, Rigby wasn't thinking clearly at the moment, but Eileen was just compelled to not let him face his boss tonight. Maybe Rigby was overreacting just a tad, but Eileen just felt bad for the poor drunk. She decided to hug him back and shushed him. All this was very soothing for Rigby and he calmed down, finally feeling at ease over the whole ordeal. He really felt great when he was in Eileen's arms.

"Shh. Don't cry, Rigby," she whispered to his ear. "It's okay. You don't have to go home if you don't want to." Rigby sniffled and wiped away the remaining tears from his eyes with his hand.

He hugged Eileen, brought his cheek to her chest, and said, "Thank you." He smiled. She did, as well.

"But where will you stay?" she asked, letting go of the raccoon. He went back to his seat and leaned his head back. Eileen wanted the hug to last longer. She just felt right when she was in his embrace. She would've hugged him more, but didn't want to take advantage of his drunken state.

Rigby sighed. "I don't know. Maybe I'll sleep in an alley somewhere. Maybe there's a dumpster around here that I can huddle up for the night. I am a raccoon after all."

"Rigby, you don't have to do that."

"Well, then what else can I do?" he whined. "I don't have any money to pay for a motel, and I can't think of anywhere else to stay with!" He stopped, took a deep breath, and said, "Just drive me downtown and I'll find a nice alley to sleep in. I know a guy there that might give me newspapers as blankets." Eileen shook her head at his request.

"No, Rigby." she answered. "Look, how about you stay at my place tonight? You can have the sofa."

"Whoa," he said in an amazed tone, almost as if he had just discovered a lost city made of grilled cheese sandwiches. "Really, Eileen? That would be so totally awesome! We could stay up all night and watch movies, and play games, and eat popcorn, and play games, and knit sweaters, and play games, and go swimming, and play games, and go have a picnic on the moon, and play games, and work on our tans, and play games, and-"

"Rigby!' Eileen interrupted, clearly annoyed by his outrageous suggestions. "We're not doing any of that tonight. All you're doing is going to sleep. You need to take it easy."

Rigby tried to blow a raspberry, but spit instead. "Hmm, do you hear that?" he asked her. "I think I hear a faucet running, because a blanket is dripping and-no wait, let me try again." He shook his head for a few seconds and then said, "Do I hear a blanket being wet?" Eileen just looked on, confused as all hell. "Aw, dang it! Hold on, uh... I got it! Do you hear a drip, because the faucet is leaking!" he finally said, smiling and nodding in accomplishment for his failed analogy.

"Uh huh," Eileen said, completely oblivious to what Rigby was intending to say. "Anyway, we should go. I don't think you want Benson to see you out here with me."

"Honestly, would that be so bad?" he asked.

"What?"

"I already forgot what I said! Let's go, 'chawfeer'!" Eileen put the car into drive and slowly made her way back into the street and away from the park gates, much to Rigby's relief. He sighed in relief and leaned back on his seat to relax. Eileen drove for a good ten minutes before finally seeing her apartment complex in the corner of her eye. It was a small, well-maintained two-floor apartment complex. It appeared to be under construction as several large scaffolds and many green paint cans were placed around the south corner of the building. Several splotches of lime green paint were around the walls in front of the scaffolding, indicating that the paint job was a work-in-progress. Eileen explained that the complex was going through a new paint job to attract new tenants. Rigby despised the paint job due to its color choice as it reminded him of vomit. The realization made him feel sick to his stomach as he felt something churning around in his belly.

"We're here, Rigby," Eileen announced. She parked her car across the street from the complex and shut it off. She unlocked both doors and stepped out of her vehicle. Rigby soon followed, clutching his stomach and feeling very queasy. "You okay, Rigby?" she asked, noticing that he's turning a dull shade of green.

"Oh, I'm perfectly fine, you sexy mole, you," he replied half-heartedly with slurred words. "I just need to lie down." Eileen walked closer to him, took his hand, and led him inside the complex, practically dragging him upstairs to her room.

"Man, this place has a lot of doors," Rigby mumbled. Both stopped at the room numbered 263.

"Well, here we are," Eileen said. She took out her room keys, unlocked the door and let herself and Rigby inside. He slowly walked inter her spacious living room. It was dark, so Eileen turned on a lamp nearest the door and illuminated the area with a dim light, revealing a brown loveseat and a black coffee table with a notepad and pen, plastic coasters, and a bowl of wax fruit atop it. The kitchen was right across the front door and had a bar counter separating it from the living room. Rigby found this to be rather ironic, but then noticed the beige-colored walls that reminded him of soggy oatmeal; his least-favorite breakfast food. The thought of that made him more nauseous and felt that he would spit out his breakfast anytime soon.

"Nice place, Eileen but where's your bathroom?!" he rapidly asked, feeling more sick by the second.

"Oh, it's across that hall and it's the last door to the right," she explained and pointed to the corridor closest to the kitchen. Rigby took note and rushed towards the hallway, nearly knocking down Eileen as he sped. He ran down the passageway and passed two doors before finally stumbling into the bathroom door. He opened it, entered the room, turned on the light switch, and slammed the door.

Eileen's bathroom was small, but very well-maintained and clean. It consisted of a tall white marble sink with a chrome faucet, a tub-shower on the side opposite the toilet, complete with a shower curtain that displayed many multicolored cartoon fishes swimming across the plastic material. Speaking of the toilet, Rigby spotted it and to a step towards it to make his move, but didn't notice a yellow oval rug on the floor and managed to get his right foot caught underneath it. He nearly tumbled to the floor, but he managed to hold on to the shower curtains and prevent himself from clashing towards the white tiles on the floor.

"Gah!" he said with gritted teeth. "Stupid circle thingy! I oughta-" He stopped talking when his stomach churned once again. He knew what was coming, so he bent down over the toilet, snapped the lid open, and vomited all over the bowl; the sounds of liquid and chunks of old food splashing into toilet water, along with Rigby's pained groaning being very audible. It was so loud that Eileen could hear him puking his guts out from the living room, where she was sitting down with a pillow and blanket waiting for him. She cringed at the sounds of the vomit splattering all over the bowl and blocked her ears.

"Poor thing," she said. After a minute, the vomiting stopped. The sound of the toilet flushing was an indication that the ordeal was over. Rigby stood back up, walked to the sink, and turned on the faucet to drink some water. He gargled with it and spit it out. As he saw some small chunks of vomit sink down the drain, he realized that he should be more presentable while being in Eileen's home. He opened the medicine cabinet beside the mirror and found a small bottle of peppermint mouthwash. Untwisting the cap, he took a deep breath, counted to ten, and took a quick swig from the bottle. He gargled with the mouthwash for thirty secondsalmost spitting it out within ten secondsand finally spat the blue liquid out, leaving his breath with a fresh peppermint scent.

"Okay, Rigby," he whispered to himself as he looked in the mirror. "Hang in there, buddy. There's no chance now that you'll throw up on Eileen!" He sighed and then muttered "Eileen" under his breath. He didn't know where the night would take him, but it didn't matter to him. All that mattered to him what getting enough sleep to explain his actions to Benson tomorrow. He looked at the clock hanging on the wall and saw that it was almost midnight. He left the bathroom soon after, switching the lights off on his way out.

Stumbling his way down the hall, Rigby made it back to the living room and found Eileen setting up the sofa for him to sleep on. She bent over to fluff to pillow and he managed to get a good look at her "assets". Rigby couldn't help but ogle at Eileen's buttocks. The tight shorts she was wearing really aroused his interest as they looked incredibly sexy on her small, but nice, round cheeks. Rigby nearly drooled at the marvelous sight, but cleared his throat instead. Eileen turned around and noticed him standing in the hallway with a lustful look on his face.

"Oh, hi Rigby," she greeted with a warm smile. "So here's where you'll be sleeping tonight. I know it's not much, but I hope it's enough." Rigby walked closer to the improvised bed and looked at it. Eileen had laid out a soft purple blanket that smelled like lilac and placed a feathered pillow at the end of the sofa for Rigby to rest his spinning head in. He smiled at the generosity that Eileen was showing him and turned his attention back to her. He couldn't believe how gorgeous Eileen looked tonight. Rigby was starting to feel something that he hadn't felt in a long time: adoration. He wanted to embrace Eileen to thank her for being such a great friend. He wanted to embrace her for allowing him to stay the night so he would have somewhere to sleep. He wanted to embrace her to feel her warmth against his body. He wanted to embrace her to hold on and never let go.

He wanted to embrace her because he wanted her.

"It's perfect," he finally responded. He took a seat on the side closest to the pillow and awed at how comfortable the loveseat was. He leaned his body back and relaxed. "Aww yeah. This is the life!"

Eileen chuckled. "Yeah…" she said and trailed off. Something was still bugging her from earlier tonight. Alexei had said that Rigby was talking about her and even mentioned that he had a thing for her and that he couldn't stop talking about her. The one thing that kept pestering her mind was when Alexei said that they would make a great couple.

Would they, really? Eileen always wondered how it would be like to finally have a relationship with the raccoon in front of her, but could never properly simulate it in her mind. She usually talked to Margaret about it, creating fictional scenarios that always ended up with them kissing each other and living happily ever after. There was this one moment where they talked about Rigby knocking her up and skipping town, which garnered laughs from both of them due to the absurd circumstances. Despite talking about how it would be, she could never truly imagine being with Rigby. It always seemed like every passing day, Rigby would change and show more affection towards her and other days where he would be his usual annoying, but friendly self. She just couldn't figure the raccoon out.

"Eileen?" Rigby said, knocking her off her trance-like state that she had been in for nearly a minute. "You okay? You've just been standing there looking at my fluffy pillow." Eileen snapped back to reality and looked back at Rigby. Knowing that he would wake up tomorrow and most likely not remember any of the events that happened tonight, Eileen decided to ask him about how he feels about her now. She didn't care that he was drunk. It seemed like he was able to comprehend and take in anything that Eileen would tell him. She decided to take the chance.

"Rigby, we need to talk," she said and took a seat aside him.

"Okay, what about?" He leaned in closer to her face and said, "Your cute looks?" The stinging scent of peppermint struck Eileen's nose and made her momentarily lose her train of thought. She enjoyed the smell of peppermint and knowing that Rigby gave off a smell like made her want… to have a taste?

"Rigby, Alexei told me some things before we left," she informed him, getting back to the topic at hand.

"Oh, that!" he said. "Look, I'll pay him back! I promise! Cross my fart and hope to fly!" He then laughed hysterically at his slipped statement, almost waking the neighbors with his loud guffaws.

"No, not that. About what you said about me."

Rigby stopped laughing.

"Rigby… do you like me… in _that_ way?" she asked.

Rigby stood there, completely silent.

"Rigby?"

No response.

_This was a huge mistake,_ Eileen thought to herself. _Great. Now he'll never want to talk to me again. Good going, Eileen. The only boy that was this close to liking you and you screw it up._

"Rigby, forget I said anything," she said abruptly. "Just go to sleep, okay? I'm sorry for-" She was cut off by Rigby lips suddenly making contact with hers. This was the moment that she had always dreamed about. Despite this kiss being a little sloppy due to his impaired state, the kiss was near perfect. Rigby tasted her sweet lips and sensed a taste of mango. He absolutely adored this feeling and didn't want it to ever end. Eileen felt his recently-freshened breath through her lips and adored the tingly feeling that his lips gave off. The pair parted after ten seconds and looked into each other's eyes with affection.

"Does that answer your question?" Rigby said. Eileen giggled in response.

"Yeah," she said and made contact with his lips again. Rigby held her body close to his and caressed her hair and back with his hands. Eileen was getting goose bumps by the touch. She leaned back and lied down on the sofa. Rigby climbed on top of her and continued kissing.

_I can't believe this is happening,_ Eileen thought to herself. _It's like a dream! _Before she could declare anything official, Eileen parted lips with Rigby to talk more about what this means for them.

"How long have you felt this way?" she asked.

"Ever since we had cake at that club," he revealed. "I remembered how hot you looked and every day after that knew I wanted you to be mine."

"Why did you wait so long?"

Rigby sighed. "I was afraid. Afraid of where this relationship would take me." Eileen nodded in concern. "I know you're a great girl, Eileen, but I'm clearly not going to win any 'Good Guy' medals anytime soon. I mean, look at me! I get drunk over one small thing and you have to keep me here so I wouldn't get fired!" Rigby got off of Eileen and sat up on the sofa. Eileen looked on at him and slowly sat up too. He said, "I'm pathetic. I don't deserve to have a great girl like you," and turned his head away from her.

Eileen was touched at Rigby's revelation. She never knew that Rigby had kept these feelings tucked away due to his fears about his personality traits and how they would affect the relationship. Rigby had it all wrong, she thought. All those things that made Rigby were the things that she adored the most. She loved his smart-aleck attitude, love of scary movies, passion for playing video games, and his sense of humor. She could never imagine that any of these traits would hamper their possible relationship. She hugged Rigby tightly and buried her face into his soft chest.

"Don't say that, Rigby," she pleaded. "You're not pathetic. You're a great, kind, funny, cute, and caring raccoon, and I wouldn't change that for anything," she assured him. Rigby smiled again upon hearing this and hugged her back. The two looked into each other's eyes again with complete adoration towards the other.

"Did I mention that I really like you?" Rigby asked and went for another kiss, making her lie back on the sofa and return to the position that they were before. Rigby stuck his tongue through Eileen's lips, tapping her teeth as if he was knocking on a door. Eileen granted him access and felt his warm tongue massage hers. Eileen had never tongue-kissed before and this experience was very new and enthralling to her. She took her glasses off and placed them on the coffee table. Rigby moved his head and planted soft kisses down Eileen's neck, causing her to moan in ecstasy.

"Oh, Rigby…" she muttered in bliss. She suddenly felt something poke her stomach. She looked down and noticed that Rigby was… well, let's just say "excited". She blushed at the sight of it. It wasn't too big, and it wasn't too small; just the right size for her petite body.

_Wow. I didn't think he liked me like that! _she thought. _You know, I wouldn't mind taking a ride on-wait, what am I talking about?! I shouldn't be thinking like this! It's not right! I shouldn't even be thinking about that! Damn hormones._

Eileen pulled Rigby's head away from her neck and said, "Rigby, I think we should-"

"Eileen," he said, cutting her off. "Please."

"Please, what?"

He leaned toward her ear and whispered, "Please fuck me."

Once she heard the request, Eileen turned as red as a tomato. She couldn't believe what Rigby had just asked. He wasn't thinking straight, she though. He wasn't himself. It was the booze talking. Eileen opened her mouth to speak, but was greeted with Rigby's lips instead. She was initially taken off-guard, but soon gave in to the sudden kiss. She closed her eyes and fought with Rigby's tongue for dominance. In the end, it was a tie and the two parted lips once again.

"I always thought you were hot, Eileen." Rigby said, looking into her eyes. "And all I want is you."

Eileen smiled at his confession and said, "Then take me.", adding a wink for good measure. She stood up, held Rigby's hand and led him to the hallway closest to the apartment door. This hallway led to her bedroom, where she planned on giving Rigby the night of his life. Once they reached her room door, she opened it, gave Rigby a quick peck on the lips, and entered her room. Rigby soon followed and closed the door behind him.

_**CLICK! **_The door was now locked.

* * *

_**If I don't update in three months, that's when you should consider me dead.  
-Mr. Nanook**_


	7. Snap

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: Well, the semester is finally over! Now I can finally do what I enjoy doing: masturba-I mean, write fanfiction! So let's try to get this show back on the road and see if I'm up to updating more often. As usual, there are no guarantees, but you can always check my profile for release dates. Please note that dates are subject to change with or without notice. **

**I've noticed that this story now has over 2,000 views! Isn't that something? Can we break 2,500 before the end of the month? Here's hoping! Anyhootie and the blowfish, on to the show!**

* * *

**SNAP**

_**BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!**_

_**CLICK!**_

It was morning time. Rigby's eyes opened slowly as he put the alarm clock on snooze. He yawned quietly and covered himself with the blanket to go back to sleep.

He then realized that something was off, and it wasn't the alarm.

His eyes snapped open as he realized that the alarm clock is never on his side of the room. Another thing he realized was that their alarm does not sound like that. The beeps on their alarm are two consecutive beeps that repeat, which sounds like _**BEEP-BEEP! BEEP-BEEP! BEEP-BEEP! BEEP-BEEP!**_ While all that was incredibly odd, the most daunting aspect of this wacky morning was that Rigby was not even in his home! He looked at his surroundings and found himself in a small room with two dressers, a sliding mirror closet, a cactus in the corner of the room with "JIM" written on a sticky note stuck on the pot, and a queen-sized bed that he was currently laying on, complete with a large blue blanket and two soft foam pillows. Rigby was taken aback by this unknown location, but suddenly heard soft snores coming from his left. He turned his head to the direction of the snores and lifted the blanket up to find an unbelievable sight.

Upon lifting the covers, he was greeted to a completely nude Eileen sleeping soundly with a smile on her face. Rigby's eyes bulged wide as he gazed at the naked mole, almost being mesmerized by her still body. Eileen suddenly unconsciously lifted her arm and placed it around Rigby's chest, causing him to jolt back on the bed. This didn't wake Eileen, but Rigby didn't care if she did. If she woke up, she'd probably give him an explanation to what the hell is going on. The last thing Rigby remembers is going to the bar and talking with Alexei, having a couple of drinks along the way. He vaguely remembers Eileen entering the bar and looking very attractive. He then remembers entering her car and pleading to her not to let him go home. She agreed to let him stay at her place. He went to her place and…. that's it. The rest of the night is a blur to him. All he knows now is that being with a naked Eileen on her bed is a clear sign that something sexual went down.

Rigby placed his palms to his face and sighed. How did it lead to this, he asked himself. One night of heavy drinking and he ends up having sex with Eileen. This shouldn't have happened, he thinks. Eileen should have been stronger. She should have fought back! She should have kicked him out the moment he turned frisky! She should have slapped him silly! This is all her fault!

Oh, who is Rigby kidding? The blame is all on him. He's the one that can't hold down his drinks and his lack of self-control caused him to express those feelings that he had for Eileen. He's the one that didn't want to go home that day to face the music. He's the one that kept getting too close to Eileen. He's the one that begged her to sleep with him. This is his entire fault.

All this was too much to take in for the hung-over raccoon as he felt a stinging sensation in his head. His hangover had caused him to wake up with a head-splitting migraine. This was the least of his worries, though. He needed to leave the room and stay far away from Eileen. Rigby thought it would be best if he distance himself from Eileen for a few weeks, or months, depending on the severity of the issue. Either way, he needed to leave. Lifting her arm slowly away from his body, Rigby inched his way out of the bed, being careful not to wake Eileen in the process. He placed his feet on the floor and set his sights to the door. He was set to make a successful escape, but failed to notice that he didn't turn off the alarm.

_**BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! **_Rigby panicked and rushed to the alarm and disconnected it. It was too late, however. He cocked his head to the right to see Eileen slowly open her eyes. Despite wanting to get away from her, he can't help but admit that her eyes are marvelous. She yawned quietly and as soon as she saw Rigby, immediately smiled.

"Crap," Rigby mouthed.

"Mmm, good morning, Rigby," Eileen said in a soft voice.

"Umm, hi," he responded and waved, faking a smile as well.

She sat up and said, "Mmm, what time is it?"

Rigby turned to the disconnected alarm and said, "I don't know. Early."

Eileen smiled again. "Thanks for a great time last night," she said and sighed happily. "It was incredible. The best night of my life." She looked at the ceiling and sighed happily. "I knew you liked me that way."

"Oh geez," Rigby muttered under his breath. He didn't want to deal with this right now. All he wanted to do was get away from Eileen as soon as possible and head home. He knew that this would most likely hurt her feelings, but he couldn't care less at the moment. Maybe the negative response will help her forget about this whole mess, he thought. He turned his attention back to the door and walked towards it. Eileen's expression changed from happiness to confusion as she saw her lover about to leave the room.

"Rigby, where are you going?" she asked.

"Home," he responded and opened the door.

"Well, maybe we can eat breakfast first?" she suggested, hoping that he would stay for a while longer.

"No, thanks," He shut the door and left the apartment. Eileen sat there completely speechless over his attitude.

"Bye, Rigby?" she said and looked at the shut door.

_What just happened? Did I… did I do something wrong?_

* * *

"Damn it, damn it, damn it!" Rigby cursed as he rushed out of her apartment and into the hallways outside. He needed to keep it down as to not wake up the neighbors, and the migraine was surely not doing him any favors. He looked back to make sure that Eileen wasn't following him. Once he made sure the hallway behind him was clear of a certain mole, he continued escaping the complex. Nearly tripping on his way down the stairs, Rigby is pleased to finally see the street and takes one final look back at the building he just ran out of.

"I'm never coming back here," he vowed and turned back to the street. Rigby walked back to the park with a heavy amount of weariness about the events that transpired. He started to shiver at the thoughts of what happened last night. He shook his head furiously and cursed himself for not being able to remember what happened.

"Gah!" he growled. "Why can't I remember anything?!" He then felt a strong pain in his head for shaking his head and winced in pain. "Ouch," Rigby needed something to clear the pain in his head, so he set out to find a store that would supply him with some aspirin. Luckily for him, he spotted a nearby gas station and decided to enter it to buy some aspirin and bottled water. He opened the front door, making a dinging sound as it opened, and walked up to the bored-looking cashier. She was a very young woman that was probably no more than eighteen or nineteen years old. Her arms were covered with many tattoos, ranging from flower designs, black widow spiders, dragons, and barbed wire. There was also a blue snapping turtle adorned on her left bicep, for some reason. Her lip had two spider bite piercings, her right nostril had two bright red ring piercings, and six earrings of different shapes and sizes were punctured in both her ears. With her ruby-red lipstick and black mascara, this woman was quite a ghoulish sight for Rigby to see.

"Hey, zombie lady!" Rigby said. "Where's the painkillers that kill pain in the brain?"

"You mean like, Advil or something?" she asked in a bored tone, most likely due to Rigby's insult.

"Yeah, those!"

She covered her mouth to yawn. "Over there," she informed him and pointed to the aisle closest to the beer fridge. He walked down the aisle and found many brands of aspirin to choose from.

"Whoa, so many choices…" he mumbled to himself. Suddenly, his pocket was vibrating.

"_Ra-ha-ringtone, pick up your phone! Ra-ha-ringtone, pick up your phone…" _Rigby's cell phone was ringing. He pulled it out and looked at the caller ID; Eileen was calling. Rigby groaned in disgust and declined to answer, not wanting to converse with Eileen at the moment, or ever, for the matter.

On the other line, a certain mole was sighing sadly. She had been feeling down since Rigby had run out the door. She had changed to her work clothes and prepared to go to the coffee shop to start her shift. But her job was not on her mind at the moment. The only thing she could think about is Rigby.

_Why did he leave so soon?_ She thought to herself. _Was it not good enough? Is it because I'm a virgin? I know I'm not experienced, but I think I did pretty well for my first time! Oh God, was I that bad?_

"Maybe he was just late for work," she said to herself. Honestly, that explanation was the only one that didn't make her feel bad. Eileen tried to call Rigby, but it went to voicemail near instantly. It was clear that he being late for work was no longer a possibility, but rather that he was avoiding her. Pursuing the raccoon would have to be put on hold as she herself would be running late instead if she didn't leave immediately. She had planned to visit the park during her break and talk to Rigby about last night, hopefully putting all this tension to rest. She didn't want to lose Rigby over this.

"What did I do wrong, Rigby?" she asked aloud and walked out of her apartment.

Rigby picked up a container of Advil and walked to a nearby refrigerator to pick up a small-sized bottled water. After he picked out his items, he walked to the register and saw Thomas in line with a 12-pack of colas.

"Hey, Thomas."

Thomas turned around and said, "Oh, hey Rigby. How's it hanging?"

"Dude, don't say it like that!" Rigby complained.

"Like what?"

"Uh, never mind," Rigby replied, not wanting to even hint about the events that happened in Eileen's apartment the previous night.

"Say, we didn't see you come back at the house. It was game night and we played until eleven-thirty. Where were you?"

"I was at a bar, okay?!" Rigby snapped. He was starting to grow impatient and wanted to go home.

"Okay, Rigby! No need to be so crass," Thomas replied slightly hurt. He was next in line and put the case of colas on the counter to pay for them. "So you slept at the bar or something?"

"No, Eileen was my designated driver and she drove me to her place and I slept with h- ", Rigby then stopped to realize what he was about to reveal and reworded his sentence. "-I mean, I slept on her sofa."

"Oh, that's nice. Hopefully you didn't puke in her toilet. I think girls hate when guys do that."

Rigby turned his back and chuckled nervously. "Heh, yeah. That's so wrong," he said and scratched the back of his head.

"That'll be $4.69," the cashier said. Thomas handed her a five-dollar bill and told the cashier to keep the change, seeing as it wasn't his money to spend.

"See you around, Rigby," Thomas said and walked out of the store. Rigby was next in line. He placed his items on the counter and waited for the cashier to ring them up.

"Long night?" she asked, noticing Rigby's dismal appearance.

"What makes you say that?" Rigby bitterly replied.

"Aspirin this early in the morning and your shaggy fur are a dead giveaway," the blonde cashier noted as the hung-over raccoon straighten his fuzzy inept fur. The disgruntled raccoon scoffed at her statement.

"Congratulations! You cracked the code!" Rigby sarcastically replied and mockingly clapped his hands. "Good work, Nicolas Cage; you cracked the National Treasure! Brava!"

"Well, you're clearly not the friendly drunk," the cashier replied and let out a humorless chuckle. "That'll be $3.47."

Rigby pulled out a $10 bill from his pocket and slapped it down on the counter. "Keep the change, jerk!" he barked, grabbed the aspirin and bottled water and stormed off. Once outside, he unscrewed the cap from the bottle, opened the container of aspirin and took two tablets out. He tossed the tablets into his mouth and took a long drink from the water bottle. He gulped in satisfaction.

"You know, maybe I shouldn't have done that," he said to himself. He continued to walk back to the park, hoping to avoid any more distractions along the way.

He sighed to himself. He still didn't believe he slept with Eileen. He kept reminding himself that it was a drunken mistake and that he's not entirely responsible. He cursed Eileen for not being able to fight him off. What made him angrier is that fact that he didn't remember it at all! All he could manage to recall is him drinking six beers at the bar, Eileen driving him to her place and then vomiting in her toilet. For some reason, he could also remember her shower curtains with the multicolored cartoon fishes. Eileen had described it as an incredible night, which doesn't give Rigby much to work with. What worried Rigby the most is that this probably meant that Eileen thought he liked her _that_ way.

_I don't like her that way! _ he thought to himself. _It was all just a mistake; a big, wrong, drunken mistake. _He finally sees the gates of the Park and makes his way to the house. He opens the door to find Mordecai playing a solo game of _Dig Champs. _Noticing that the blue jay hadn't turned his back to face him, Rigby closes the door quietly and slowly walked toward the stairs.

"Hey, Rigby," Mordecai said, not keeping his eyes of the TV screen. Rigby sighed in defeat.

"Hey, man," he replied.

"Where have you been? You didn't come home during game night," Mordecai then turned around to observe his hung-over friend and noticed his haggard state. "Whoa, dude. What happened to you?"

"Let's just say I got drunk," he deadpanned. "And no, I didn't come home. I didn't want Benson to get on my ass over skipping work, so I didn't want to come back so soon."

"Did Eileen pick you up? I asked her to be your designated driver just in case you took too many drinks, which, judging by how you look was a good idea."

"Shut up!" the annoyed raccoon barked back. "And yes, she did pick me up. We went to her place and I-uh…" Rigby trailed off.

Mordecai paused the game, turned to his friend and asked, "Dude, what?"

"…I slept there," Rigby replied after a moment of silence.

"Were you on your best behavior?" Mordecai teased. Rigby grimaced at the comment. "Chill, dude! I'm kidding." Rigby let out a humorless chuckle. "But seriously, you didn't do anything bad to Eileen, did you? You know she likes you."

"You don't even know the half of it…" Rigby mumbled under his breath.

"What?" Mordecai asked as he heard Rigby mumble something.

"What?"

"I heard you say something."

"Yeah, I didn't say anything."

"Dude, you're out of it," Mordecai stood up and turned the game system off. "Come on, Rigby. Let's go get you a coffee before work starts. Maybe a muffin, too."

"Sure, man. That sounds good," Rigby said, smiling a bit.

"Great! Let's head to the Coffee Shop. We might get an early-bird discount or something."

Rigby's eyes bulged up at that task. "Wha-what?"

"Yeah, Pops forgot to pick some up from the store, so let's get some at the shop."

"Uh," Rigby nervously said with sweaty palms, "I don't think we should go."

Mordecai raised an eyebrow. "What's the matter, man?"

"Nothing! I just think we shouldn't go right now! I mean, what if Benson catches us? He's gonna be pissed!" the reluctant raccoon brought up. He had no intention of going back to the Coffee Shop and risk seeing Eileen. All he wanted to do was stay far away from her for a few days or possibly a few weeks. Mordecai grew suspicious of his friend's behavior and pursued the matter further.

"Rigby, you know work doesn't start for another hour! What's wrong, dude? Is there something at the Coffee Shop you don't want me to see?" he questioned, hoping to get an answer.

"No, nothing like that! I just don't think we should waste any time and we should really get started on work!"

Mordecai looked on at the raccoon with no expression on his face. "Yeah, you're clearly out of it. Now come on. I'm driving." The blue jay replied and headed off to the garage to get the cart ready. Once he was gone, Rigby kicked the sofa in anger.

"Damn it!" he cursed. "I don't want to see Eileen-ow, right now!" Rigby rubbed his sore foot and hopped to the window to see Mordecai on the cart waiting for him. "Maybe she won't be there. Maybe it's her day off or her shift doesn't start yet. I mean, she did offer to make breakfast and that might have taken a while! Yeah, that's probably it! Oh, please let it be it!"

_**BEEP BEEP! **_roared the cart horn as Mordecai honked it to get Rigby's attention.

"I'm coming!" he yelled as he walked out the door and hopped on the cart. "All right, let's roll!" Mordecai nodded and pressed on the gas as they headed to get some coffee and a muffin. Mordecai decided to take the opportunity to consult Rigby about yesterday.

"Hey, Rigby," he started. "About yesterday…"

Rigby grew nervous again. _Oh, crap!_ he thought. _How did he find out?!_

"Uh, ye-yeah?" he responded with a stutter.

"I didn't mean to let out that incident with your ex-girlfriend. I swear it just slipped. And just so you know, Muscle Man promised to lay off for a while." He informed his friend. Rigby breathed a sigh of relief and his nervous state faded away.

"Oh, that? It's cool, Mordecai!" he happily said. "All that drinking really helped me forget anyway. Just as long as Muscle Man backs off, I'm good."

Mordecai let out a chuckle in response. "We're here," he announced. Both of them exited the cart and entered the Coffee Shop. Both sat down on their usual table. A familiar robin walked towards them with a tray containing two coffee mugs and a fresh pot of coffee.

"Hey, guys. Good morning." Margaret greeted with her usual warm smile. She had her usual work clothes on and a pen and notepad in her pocket.

"Hey, Margaret," they both replied in unison.

"What'll it be?" she asked as she pulled out the pen and notepad.

"Two regular coffees and two blueberry muffins, please." Mordecai requested.

"Comin' right up!" Margaret placed the two mugs on the table and poured a generous amount of coffee into each one. "I'll be back with the muffins, guys. Be right back!" she informed them and walked away to get the rest of their order. Rigby grasped the mug and took a sip of the hearty coffee within.

"Ahhh…" he said in bliss. "That's the good stuff."

"See? It's just what you needed!" Mordecai pointed out and took a sip from his mug, as well.

"Heheh, yeah," Rigby turned back to his friend and caught him eyeballing Margaret picking out the muffins. "Dude, when are you gonna seal the deal with her?" he asked and took a long sip from his mug.

"I don't know," he admitted. "When are you gonna seal the deal with Eileen?" Rigby's eyes bulged as he spit up all his coffee and coughed violently. Mordecai looked at him with a befuddled look on his face and patted Rigby's back to help him from choking.

"Dude, it was a joke!" he said. "What's the matter with you? You've been acting like this all morning!"

"Nothing," he said and paused to cough, "nothing's wrong! I'm fine! The coffee was just too hot!"

Mordecai wasn't convinced. "Dude, what happened last night?" he asked, determined to get to the bottom of his friend's odd behavior.

"I told you, nothing is wrong! Man, don't you listen?!" Rigby snapped back. "Now, just-"

"Rigby?" a voice Rigby had hoped to not hear for a while said. Rigby was hesitant to turn around to see the source of the voice, but slowly turned to see the face that had been haunting him all morning.

"Eileen?" he said. "Oh, no…" he whispered as he noticed her usual friendly smile was replaced with a sour frown. Clearly she was distraught of his abrupt exit from her apartment and demanded answers.

"Rigby, we need to talk," she said, getting right to the point. This was very unlike her and Rigby noticed what his callous actions had caused. Despite this, he was still determined to driving her away, so he attempted to get her to leave by acting defiant.

"No, we don't," he replied with a cold tone and turned his back on her. He was sure she would run off hurt now, but was completely wrong. Instead, Eileen grabbed his arm and pulled him off of his chair.

"Yes, we do!" she said as she practically dragged him towards the kitchen. Rigby struggled to escape her grasp, thrown off-guard by her sudden feat of strength.

"Ow! Eileen, let go!" Rigby whined as she dragged him into the kitchen; wiggling his arms and legs in an attempt to slip out from her grip. Soon enough, they both found themselves inside the small kitchen of the shop as she let go of his arm. As she shut the door, he stood up and rubbed his sore arm. Mordecai looked on in confusion and awe and stayed to finish his coffee, not wanting to get involved in their fiasco. Margaret came scant seconds later with a tray containing two muffins, just barely missing the scene.

"Here are your muffins," she said and placed them on the table. She noticed that Rigby was gone and asked "Where'd Rigby go?"

"Oh, Eileen just came over her and dragged him into the kitchen. Something must've gone down last night. Rigby probably puked all over her sofa or something," Mordecai said.

"Oh," she commented. "Should we do something?"

Mordecai took a bite from his muffin and took a sip of his coffee. "Hmm... nah. It's better we stay far away from this. Great muffins, by the way. Want one?"

"Sure," she replied and took the muffin that was intended for Rigby.

* * *

Back in the kitchen, Rigby and Eileen stood apart each other. "What the heck, Eileen?!" he cried.

"I should ask you the same thing!" she rebutted. "What happened back there? Why did you leave me like that?"

"I-uh… I had to go to work!" he lied.

"Oh, of course! You're obviously so eager to get back to work after getting drunk last night, what with Benson most likely going to fire you on sight, right?" she sarcastically refuted. "I want an answer, Rigby; not a lie."

"Well, I don't have to give you one," he pouted, crossing his arms.

"I deserve an explanation!" she argued.

"Fine! You wanna know why I left?"

"Yes!"

"You really want to know?"

"Yes!"

"Isn't it obvious?"

Eileen didn't respond this time.

"It's because I was scared shitless!" he finally revealed. "I mean, how would you react if you woke up in the morning in a room that you'd never been in next to a naked friend? Huh?!"

Eileen knew it. She feared this, but it was true. It was all just a mistake; a big, drunken mistake. She felt like crying over this revelation, but needed to know if Rigby's intentions were pure.

"So… you don't remember what happened last night?" she asked him, holding back tears.

"Not much. All I remember is drinking at the bar, you picking me up and driving to your place, me throwing up on your toilet, and then waking up next to you."

"Oh…" she trailed off.

"I didn't think you'd have sex with me! You should have known better! You should have punched my horny self! You should have kicked me out of your house at the first sign of me being touchy! If anything, this is your fault!"

The nerve! The absolute nerve of Rigby! He actually has the audacity to blame Eileen for the whole mess! This was unacceptable to Eileen, so she replied, "My fault?! You're the one that couldn't control yourself! I like you, Rigby, and you took advantage of me!"

"It's not like I did it on purpose!" he reminded her. "I was drunk! I wasn't in control and if anything, you took advantage of me!"

Eileen groaned in anger. "I knew this was too good to be true. You never liked me. All you wanted was a one night stand and then you'd toss me away like a gum wrapper."

"I do like you, Eileen," he said, finally calming down. "I just made a mistake. I didn't mean to lead you on like that. I'm sorry."

"So that's what it was to you? A mistake? It was the best moment of my life, Rigby and it was all a mistake to you? We made love, Rigby! We-"

"Don't call it that!" he snapped. "We didn't 'make love', okay? We just had sex! 'Making love" means that we love each other, but we don't! I don't love you, Eileen! I never did love you and I never will love you, so don't think that what we did last night meant anything! It was just a mistake! We didn't make love; we just **fucked**, okay?!" Rigby never knew he was able to unload on someone like that, but he had been pushed too far by Eileen's questioning. But upon looking at the expression on her face fall, the tears starting to flow down from her eye ducts, and her bottom lip quivering, he wonders if perhaps he was overly harsh with his interruption.

"You don't mean that, Rigby," she said, letting tear falls down her cheeks. She hoped that she was right and that Rigby didn't mean those cruel words that he had said to her. If she heard that, she would feel a little better.

"I do," he responded, crushing her hopes. He turned towards the door to leave the room. He placed his hand on the knob, coldly said "Never talk to me again, Eileen", and exited the room, leaving a very sad Eileen to wallow in her sorrows. Once he left the room, he soon heard the heartbroken mole quietly cry behind the door. He walked away, ignoring the cries and trying hard to not cry himself. He walked past Mordecai, who had been waiting for him to come back while eating a blueberry muffin.

"Dude, where are you going?" he asked with a mouthful of muffin.

"Home," Rigby said and continued to walk. Mordecai swallowed the remainder of the food and followed Rigby out the door.

"Dude, wait! What's the rush? What happened back there?"

"I don't wanna talk about it!" Rigby barked.

"Oh yeah? Well, maybe I should go back and ask Eileen, then!" he threatened.

"NO!" Rigby squealed in fear.

"Then talk!"

"Me and Eileen had sex, okay?!" Rigby affirmed. Mordecai had his suspicions about the night and was sure a drunken Rigby would try something. What he didn't expect was the end result.

"Oh, man," Mordecai said, shaking his head. "I knew this would happen. Why didn't she take you home?"

"I kinda told her that I was scared that Benson would fire me on sight, so she offered to let me sleep on her sofa, and… well…" he said.

"Jesus Christ," Mordecai said. "And what happened just now between you two?"

"We talked!"

"And?"

"And I kinda broke her heart and told her to never talk to me again," he said rather fast.

"Rigby! What's the matter with you? Eileen is crazy for you and you go and break her heart like this! How could you do that?"

"Just leave me alone, Mordecai! You don't get it!" Rigby said and ran off on all-fours.

"Rigby, wait!" Mordecai ran back to the cart, turned it on and drove back to the park, knowing that Rigby will be there soon.

Meanwhile, back at the Coffee Shop, Margaret saw Rigby run out of the kitchen and went to investigate. She opened the door and found a sobbing Eileen on the floor in a fetal position. She quickly rushed to her side, placed a hand on her shoulder and asked what was wrong.

"Oh, Margaret. It's awful. I did the most stupid thing ever!" Eileen said between sobs.

"What is it, Eileen?"

"I slept with Rigby!" she revealed.

"Oh, Eileen," Margaret said and hugged her. She then gasped and said, "He forced you, didn't he? I knew he would do something like this! That little piece of crap!"

"No, Margaret. It's not like that."

"What? Then how is it?"

"I let him," she revealed. "He was drunk, but he kept flirting with me, and I fell for it and we ended up having sex! Oh, I'm such a fool!" She was sat up by Margaret, who allowed her to cry into her shoulder.

"Don't cry, Eileen," Margaret said.

"You wanna know the worst part? It meant nothing to him! I was nothing but a toy for him to screw around with and just toss away! God, why am I so dumb?!" Eileen cried.

"Shh," Margaret shushed. "It's okay, Eileen. We'll get through this. Rigby is obviously not the guy for you. Someone much better than him will show up. Just wait and see."

"I don't want someone else," Eileen replied. "I want Rigby."

"Well, you'll have to give him time. He's clearly freaked out right now and not thinking straight."

"So what should I do?" Eileen asked.

"Wait," Margaret said.

"How long?"

"Until he snaps out of it."

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: I'm going on vacation next week, so if I can't find Wi-Fi then expect no updates for two weeks. If it does come to that, I'm sure you'll manage. And while you're reading this, how about leaving a review for once? You know, let me know you actually care. Just a thought. Nanook out.**

_**I'll bring you all a sombrero when I come back.  
-Mr. Nanook**_


	8. Burden

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: Well, I'm finally back from vacation. It was great, by the way. Thanks for not asking. Before anyone asks: yes, there was Wi-Fi there, but I was too lazy to update. I was on vacation, anyway! I need the occasional break. Don't worry, though! This story is still my top priority and will have more frequent updates. Hell, I'm actually adding two additional chapters! Anyway, read up, wieners!**

* * *

**BURDEN**

Rigby had sprinted from the shop thirteen minutes ago and still couldn't believe what he did back there. He had broken the heart of the girl that had a huge crush on him and had slept with him the night before. Rigby never intended for this to happen, but the idea of actually having sex with a close friend that he didn't have romantic feelings for was too much for the raccoon to take in. He didn't mean to lead Eileen on like that and he did feel bad for lashing out on her so harshly.

However, he wasn't sure if the thought of not having romantic feelings for Eileen was true. In reality, he had started to develop some attraction to the friendly mole. That he could not deny. But to him, it's unknown if these feelings exploded last night or if it was just a case of drunken, casual sex. He did like Eileen, and it pained him to hear her cries as he left the shop. Sure, he'd hurt Eileen's feelings before, but hearing her cry made him feel terrible.

Part of him wishes he could take it all back. A side of Rigby wanted to go back to the shop and apologize for shattering their friendship and making her cry. Rigby does think that Eileen is pretty cool and great to hang out with, so he didn't want their relationship to end over a drunken mistake. He still felt that he had a chance to redeem himself if he turned around now and showed Eileen how remorseful he is.

Another side begged to differ, as Rigby also wanted to stay far away from Eileen for either a few months or possibly forever. An event like this would no doubt be a huge hamper on their friendship and Rigby was sure that recovering from this would be next-to-impossible. A real impasse, Rigby thought. Sure, this option was easier due to him being rather experienced in skipping jobs, so avoiding a person should be equally simple. Unfortunately, the invisibility cloak that Mordecai and he received last Christmas was lost at the moment, so he wasn't able to have this advantage.

But his mind drifted back to Eileen. He just couldn't find himself hiding from someone that he thought of as a close friend. He then started to feel like perhaps he did indeed have feelings for Eileen. Perhaps this crush between them was not as one-sided as he thinks. But still, Rigby was usually one to take shortcuts and the avoidance option was more up his alley. Perhaps cutting off contact with Eileen would be better for him.

But still, Eileen _is _his friend, and Rigby didn't want to lose any more friends, especially one that was as great as her. Rigby wishes he had a time machine so he could go back and undo the damage. He never intended for yesterday's night of passion to happen. Emotions are annoying, Rigby thought to himself. In fact, emotions are exactly what caused this situation to spiral out of control.

Well, that and alcohol.

Rigby sighed in stress, but had another issue to deal with. He was sure that Mordecai was either on his tail or was going to wait for him at the park. He also needed to get to work soon, so that Benson won't fire him. The last thing he needs is to lose both his job and Eileen. He glanced at his phone and noticed that work doesn't start for another twenty minutes. Deciding to take the high road, Rigby decided to not go back to the park just yet. Instead, he opted to go back to Alexei and ask him about yesterday, so he walked back to the bar.

After a five minute walk, Rigby had arrived to his destination and noticed that the bar now had a new name. It was now called "Comrades Cavern" and had a brand new logo placed over the doorway. Rigby was puzzled, but thought nothing of it and entered the bar. He found the place to be empty, which is not surprising considering it was the morning. Alexei was standing behind the bar counter and was drinking a bottle of water. Today he was wearing a 1980 Soviet Union national ice hockey team jersey, black pants, and white tennis shoes. Rigby took the seat on the barstool in front of him.

"Hey, Alexei," he greeted.

"Rigby! So good to see you, man!" Alexei said with a grin.

"You too. Hey, what's with the name change?"

"Oh, some Russian bastards in the next city threatened me with a lawsuit due to their bar having same name as mine! What are odds, huh? Anyway, new name, same place! Don't tell me you're here for drink this early, my friend! I mean, I don't judge, but it's eight in the morning!"

"Oh, I'm not here to drink," Rigby told him. "I had a lot yesterday and got pretty drunk."

"Ah! Can't hold your liquor down, eh little raccoon?" the Russian barkeep teased. "I noticed you got ride home from mole girl that you like. You do the nasty?"

Rigby stayed silent with wide-eyes. Alexei slowly brought his face closer to Rigby's in a threatening matter, causing sweat to form from his forehead.

"Did you... do... the nasty... with her?" he asked, pausing between words.

Rigby sighed and looked down in defeat, signifying that he did indeed "do the nasty with her".

Alexei burst out laughing in response; his thick, hearty Russian guffaws nearly penetrating through the bar walls. Rigby's face turned red as he saw Alexei laugh loudly. He groaned angrily at this sight, causing the chuckling barkeep to simmer down his laughs. He wiped one lone tear from his right eye and sighed with bliss.

"Hey, come now Rigby! What's to be embarrassed about? I thought you liked her!" Alexei asked once he noticed his annoyed facial expression.

"I do!" he admitted, but then said, "Well... I don't know anymore."

"What you mean? You said you liked her last night! I was there, you know!"

"I know, but I was drunk!" he defended.

Alexei blew a raspberry at his excuse. "So? Many men admit their darkest secrets when intoxicated, and you were no exception, Rigby!" he said and pointed towards Rigby.

Rigby sighed. "I didn't mean to do the nasty with her, though. It was a mistake. I was too drunk to stop myself."

"Oh, дерьмо," Alexei said. "What happened?"

"That's the thing! I don't remember a thing!"

"Ha! You were more lightweight than I thought!"

"Oh, shut up!" Rigby snapped back, causing Alexei to zip his lip.

"Wanna talk about it, champ?" Alexei asked and placed his left hand on Rigby's shoulder.

Rigby sighed. "I messed up, Alexei," he said. "I really messed up."

"Come now, it can't be so bad! Sure, sex doesn't mean love, but it's pretty close!" Rigby didn't respond. "What, you don't like her?"

"I do like her! Just not like a girlfriend!"

"But you said you liked her very much! That, you cannot deny!"

"Look," he said, "All I know is that I was drunk and I woke up in her bedroom this morning with her. Let's just leave it at that."

"Hmm," Alexei murmured, stroking his chin hairs. Suddenly, he had an idea. "Aha!" he exclaimed joyfully. "I have just the thing! Give me second to prepare it!" Parting with that, Alexei walked to the backroom of the bar, leaving a very befuddled Rigby behind.

_Where's he going?_ Rigby thought to himself. The sounds of bottles being uncapped and liquids flowing into containers was all the raccoon could hear from his seat. About a minute later, Alexei walked back into the bar counter holding a beer stein containing a bubbly-blue drink. Rigby looked on with a confused look on his face and wondered what the Russian's intentions were with that strange beverage.

"Here," Alexei said, placing the beer stein on the counter. Rigby tapped it with his finger and looked at it with utter confusion.

"What's this?" he asked.

"I call it: The Remembrance Drink!" Alexei declared. "You drink this baby; you get your memory of the last twenty-four hours back! I gave it made-up name just in case I want to trademark it later!" he concluded, oblivious to the fact that "remembrance" is actually a real word.

Rigby's expression changed from confusion to amazement. "Whoa, really? Does it work?"

"Work? Of course it works! My father gave it to me on my first hangover. That's how I found all my cat's body parts that morning! This drink is made only by special request! Try it! Free of charge!"

Rigby looked on at the drink and hesitated to drink it. Rigby didn't have any reason to doubt Alexei, but his mother always taught him to not drink mysterious bubbly beverages. Taking a deep breath, Rigby grasped the beer stein and took a small sip.

"Mmm!" he hummed, admiring the taste. It tasted like a combination of lemonade and strawberry-kiwi. Rigby then tipped the stein over his mouth and began chugging.

"Go, Rigby go!" Alexei encouraged as he watched the raccoon drink every drop. Rigby slammed the beer stein on the counter and licked his lips.

"That hit the spot," he said. "So what now, Alexei?" Rigby was curious to know how exactly this mysterious memory drink is going to work. He wondered if it would play out like a movie in his mind or he'll fall asleep and reenact the events of that day. Rigby was pretty excited to know what kind of adventure he'll go through just to recollect on the events of last night.

"You're gonna feel dizzy for a moment, so relax," Alexei informed him. Rigby took a deep breath and placed his hands on the counter. "Now, once the dizziness goes away, all you must do is close your eyes. Your memories will then play out at the moment you forgot. Kinda like a movie. A movie starring you."

At that moment, almost as if on cue, Rigby felt a sudden dizzy spell go through his body. Rigby almost slammed his head on the bar counter, but was able to keep control and leaned his head back, almost able to see the bar exit behind him.

"Now close your eyes, Rigby," Alexei instructed, "and let the memories flow."

Rigby sat straight and shut his eyes. At first he saw nothing but darkness, but soon his vision become clearer and he found himself back outside the bar and sitting on the sidewalk. The vision played in first-person, so he was seeing everything as if he was in his own body, but not controlling anything. All he had to do was sit back and watch. If he opened his eyes, however, the vision would pause and only resume if he closed his eyes again. In the vision, he asked Eileen if she wanted to see him vomit a puddle shaped like Australia. He was stricken with awe as he saw his actions. It was a very captivating experience for the young raccoon as he watched his actions from last night play out in front of his closed eyes.

"It's working!" he exclaimed with his eyes still shut. "I'm outside the bar in the sidewalk!"

"What else is happening, man?" Alexei asked, eager to know more.

"I'm talking with Eileen about puking and Australia," he said. In his vision, he entered her car and fiddled with the radio. "Okay, now I'm messing with the radio and Eileen is... she's saying that she likes this song that I like."

"Aha!" Alexei called out. "So you do have stuff in common!"

"I never said we didn't!" Rigby replied. "Anyway, now we're going to the park and..." Rigby paused as he watched himself blurt out that he can't go home due to fear of getting fired. He watched as Eileen tried to comfort him and assure him that he'll be fine.

Then he saw himself cry.

"What the 'H'?! I'm _crying_?!" he proclaimed in embarrassment.

"What, you stub your toe or something?" Alexei asked.

"No, I'm crying about not wanting to go back home because I'll get fired!"

"Aren't you supposed to be at work right now?"

"Quiet, Alexei!" Rigby demanded. "Okay, now we're driving back to her place, and it's going through a paint job."

"What kind of paint?!" Alexei asked, rather excitedly.

"Some kind of green," Rigby retorted.

"Ick!"

"Okay, now I'm going to her room. Man, it's bigger than I thought!" Rigby mentioned. He saw himself ask where the bathroom was and then sprinted to the bathroom. Opening the door, tripping over an oval rug and then vomiting into Eileen's toilet was what Rigby saw next. "Aww, sick!"

"What happened? You ate a bug?" Alexei asked.

"No, I'm throwing up! Ah, it's just beer and peanuts!" he responded in disgust, almost vomiting himself. After the nausea ordeal was done, Rigby saw himself look into the mirror and talked to his reflection.

_Okay, Rigby. Hang in there, buddy. There's no chance now that you'll throw up on Eileen!_ he said in the vision. He then heard himself mutter Eileen's name. His closed eyes softened as he heard this. Rigby kept watching his past self as he walked out the door and was greeted to Eileen bending over to fix up his makeshift bed for the night. Past Rigby's eyes didn't move and stayed locked-on at the mole's posterior. Present-day Rigby couldn't believe how perverted his past-self was.

"What's happening, Rigby?" Alexei said with eagerness to know what's going on in Rigby's flashback.

"Right now I'm staring at Eileen's butt," Rigby replied rather nonchalantly.

"Oh ho! Is it nice and round?"

"Well, it could be-hey, quit it!" Rigby complained.

"What? I just want to know!"

"You don't need to know anything about her butt!"

"Why not? It's not like you like her!"

"I do like her, but-"

"AHA!" Alexei hollered and pointed his index finger to Rigby's face. "See! I knew you liked her!"

"Wait, you didn't let me finish!" Rigby said as he opened his eyes.

"It matters not! You cannot deny your love for the mole lady!"

"It's not like that!" Rigby assured him. "She's just a friend!"

"Is that correct?" Rigby nodded to assure him. "Then why don't you close your eyes again? Let's finish this memory!"

"Fine!" he said and shut his eyes once more. The memory resumed and he soon found himself enjoying sitting on Eileen's loveseat that she had prepared for him to sleep on. He soon heard her tell him that they need to talk and this is when Rigby grew nervous.

"Oh, crap," he cursed. "She wants to 'talk'."

"Oh ho! This should be good!"

_Rigby, Alexei told me some things before we left._

_Oh, that! Look, I'll pay him back! I promise! Cross my fart and hope to fly!_

_No, not that. About what you said about me._

_..._

_Rigby… do you like me… in that way?_

_..._

_Rigby?_

"I'm not going to... wait, am I?"

"Do what? Come on, don't leave Alexei in suspense!" Alexei said in a whiny voice. Rigby ignored him and watched as his past-self kept staring at Eileen. Rigby suspected his past-self was up to no good...

_Rigby, forget I said anything. Just go to sleep, okay? I'm sorry for—_

...and he was right. As if on cue, Rigby saw himself lock lips with the mole in front of him.

"Okay, it's likely that that would've happened, but it doesn't prove anything! I was drunk!" he said aloud.

"What's happening?" Alexei asked again, earning another cold shoulder from Rigby.

"Sure, we kissed, but I was drunk! That doesn't mean I like her that wa_—_"

_How long have you felt this way?_

_Ever since we had cake at that club. I remembered how hot you looked and every day after that knew I wanted you to be mine._

"Holy crap," Rigby groaned as he heard his past-self confess his feelings. "I can't believe I said that!"

"What? What'd you say?" Alexei asked, dying to know what's happening in the flashback.

"Oh, man. I'm talking about my feelings for Eileen!" Rigby revealed. "I can't believe I said all that!"

_Why did you wait so long? _

Rigby braced himself for what he was about to hear.

_I was afraid. Afraid of where this relationship would take me. I know you're a great girl, Eileen, but I'm clearly not going to win any 'Good Guy' medals anytime soon. I mean, look at me! I get drunk over one small thing and you have to keep me here so I wouldn't get fired!_

He saw himself turn away from Eileen, wondering what else he will confess.

_I'm pathetic. I don't deserve to have a great girl like you._

Rigby bit his lip as he heard himself talk to Eileen and reveal his feeling for her. He couldn't believe that being drunk meant admitting these secrets that he never intended for Eileen to hear. It's no surprise that Eileen was so broken-up after he had told her that he didn't love her. It's these feelings that he revealed to her last night that hit her hard. Rigby couldn't imagine how Eileen felt when he confessed his adoration for her and then have it taken all back the next day. It must've been devastating, Rigby thought.

_Don't say that, Rigby. You're not pathetic. You're a great, kind, funny, cute, and caring raccoon, and I wouldn't change that for anything._

Present-day Rigby smiled a bit when he heard that.

_Did I mention that I really like you? _And he saw them kiss again. Rigby sighed sadly.

"What's wrong, man?" Alexei asked.

"I told her everything, Alexei," he said. "I told her how I felt."

"Oh, man. That's heavy. Did you not mean to tell her?"

"No," Rigby replied half-heartedly. As he saw himself make out with Eileen, he began to rethink if maybe he was too harsh when he told her to never talk to him again and if he should perhaps apologize. Everything that he told Eileen that night was true and Rigby was aware of that fact. This situation was just something that blew out of proportion for the stressed raccoon. He just simply didn't have the desire to enter a new relationship. Before this incident, his life was much more carefree and simple. All he had to do was work, play games, and sleep. But adding a romantic relationship to the mix was an all-new ballgame for him. This is not to say that Rigby would hate being in a relationship. He's just not ready for one.

"Well, it's out in the open now, man!" Alexei noted. "Honestly, what's wrong with that?"

_I always thought you were hot, Eileen. And all I want is you._

Rigby didn't answer.

_Then take me._

"Rigby? Hello?" Alexei tried to get the attention of the distracted raccoon by waving his hand over his closed eyes. Rigby paid it no heed and watched as his past self was led to Eileen's bedroom, but not before placing a soft kiss on her lips. He watched with slight arousal as his past-self laid Eileen on her bed and took her blue jeans off, revealing her black satin panties.

"I'm telling you, Rigby. This isn't as bad as you might think. In a way, you could say it was faith calling. I mean, if you like her, but weren't planning on going out with the lady, so then the beer had to help you get that courage! You know, this reminds me of a time back home. My cousin fell in love with girl, but couldn't tell her, so I gave him incentive and after nine beers he asked her to marry him! Guess who was the bartender for that party!"

Rigby didn't listen to a single word the Russian said. He still had his eyes shut and was watching the flashback go on. He looks on as his past self removes her panties and Eileen takes her tank top off. A small, perverted smile started to grow on his face.

_Will it hurt?_

_Only one way to find out._

"And this other time, I actually helped catch a serial killer! Yeah, he stopped by my bar one day and asked for eight shots of whiskey. He confessed all his killings by the fifth shot! Turns out a cop was sitting next to us and arrested him! Oh, what a day!"

_Be gentle._

_I'll try._

Rigby watched himself do the deed for a minute while Alexei kept bringing up past events until he noticed that the fuzzy slacker in front of him wasn't listening to him. "**RIGBY!**" he shouted, bringing the entranced raccoon back to reality.

"Wha-what's happening?!" he replied and shook his head frantically.

"I should ask you that, man!" Alexei said, hurt to not know what's going on in the flashback. "What happened in your memories?"

"Oh, man," Rigby said. "It went further that I thought."

"Well, no shit!" Alexei laughed. "You woke up in her bedroom, right? What else did you expect?"

"I gotta go," Rigby responded and got out of his seat. "I need to get to work."

"What about Eileen?"

"I need to think," he said and walked out the door. Once outside, he took a deep breath and shut his eyes to view the rest of the flashback without interruptions.

_Oh, God Rigby! Go faster! Faster! Oh, yeah!_

He opened his eyes and walked away with a blank expression on his face, rather flustered by the rather raunchy dialogue that went on between them.

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: This fanfic is staying with its current rating, so for those of you who wanted to read about hot mole-on-raccoon sex, you're S.O.L.! Thanks for reading and I'll see you in the next one. Nanook out.**

_**I forgot your sombrero.  
-Mr. Nanook**_


	9. Excuses

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: Don't worry. Unlike some of my peers around here, this chapter is not a long author's note with an excuse for my absence. In reality, I don't have to explain anything to anyone because I know that I shouldn't make promises that I don't intend to keep. Either way, I appreciate your patience and hope that you will stick around to read the end of this story. **

**I've recently reread the outline and noticed that this is supposed to be the tenth chapter! Clearly, I'm not following it and have to rewrite it. Don't worry, though. This will not cause a delay and is only to show how dynamic fanfic writing can get.**

**Anyhootie and the blowfish, here's the new chapter. It's awfully short, but there isn't much to tell just yet. The more exciting events will happen in the next chapter. What excitement!**

* * *

**EXCUSES**

Mordecai groaned angrily as he sat on the couch in the living room. He arrived back at the park five minutes after seeing Rigby run off, and once he entered, noticed that he hadn't arrived back at the house yet. The work day was about to start in five minutes and the AWOL raccoon was nowhere in sight. It was understandable, though. Mordecai was sure Rigby would take his sweet time to get home in order to avoid a confrontation. He knew that Rigby couldn't stay away forever, so he decided to not even bother pursuing the matter for now. He would wait until he saw Rigby to then raise questions about last night.

Mordecai took out his cell phone and started typing a message for Margaret.

_hey hows eileen doing?_

He pushed "Send" and waited for a response. Soon enough, he got it.

_she's very broken up about it. i just cant get her to stop crying. rigby really broke her heart._

Mordecai frowned as he read her message. "Rigby's gonna pay," he said to himself. He began typing a response.

_im sorry to hear that. once rigby gets here, im gonna tell him how bad he hurt her._

Another tap sends the message to Margaret's phone. Mordecai noticed the time; three minutes until work starts. His phone vibrated once more. He flips it open and proceeds to read her reply.

_make sure he knows how much of a jerk he's being to eileen! :(_

Mordecai chuckled lightly at the comment. Of course, he had every intention of doing that. He typed one final response.

_you got it. i gotta go now. ttyl_

He hit "Send" and closed the phone. Not long after, he stood up and walked out the door to join the rest of the park workers waiting for Benson to arrive and give out the jobs of the day. Taking a seat on the porch steps, Mordecai noticed Skips, Muscle Man, Hi-Five Ghost, Pops, and Thomas were all present and waiting outside. One glaring absence among the group was Rigby. Mordecai frowned and shook his head angrily at the raccoon's lack of presence. Mordecai knew if he showed up late, Benson would most likely fire him due to him skipping work yesterday. He took out his phone and was set to call Rigby, but looked up and noticed that Benson had arrived with a clipboard, no doubt holding a piece of paper with today's jobs written on it. Mordecai put his phone away and focused his attention to the living gumball machine.

"All right, guys," he said. "We got a lot of work to do today. As you probably know, a writer from _Park Esquire Monthly _is going to be here at noon to interview me, so I need this place to be in the best shape its ever been! We have four hours till he arrives, guys. Muscle Man and Hi-Five Ghost," Benson called, facing the pair.

"Yeah, boss?" Muscle Man asked.

"I need you two to clean the carts, trim the hedges, and paint over the graffiti written on the side of the snack bar. Those damn 'Red Star' kids are at it again."

"Right, boss!" Muscle Man and Hi-Five Ghost responded with nods and ran to the garage.

"Thomas, I'll need you to tidy up the snack bar and in case the interviewer wants something to eat. I'm sure you won't screw this up like some other employees," Benson said and glanced at Mordecai for two seconds. The blue jay didn't notice the sneak mention as he was too busy wondering where Rigby is. Thomas complied and walked off to do his job for the day. Thomas nodded in agreement.

"Skips," Benson called next. "I need you to fix the paddleboats and make sure they're running at one-hundred percent. I heard the interviewer's father was a sailor, so I think he'll like what we have to offer. After that, I'll need you to" Skips nodded and skipped off to fix the boats.

_Where the heck is Rigby? _Mordecai thought to himself. _Does he really think he can skip two days of work in a row? Benson will fire him for sure!_

"Pops, you're in charge of keeping the inside of the house as clean as possible. The vacuum is in the shop, but you can use the old one in the garage." Pops hummed happily in agreement and hurried back into the house.

"Mordecai, I need you to paint the supply shed and water the flowers in the rose garden. And make sure to use one coat of paint! There are only two paint cans in the shed, so use them wisely. I'll be checking inventory and restocking supplies for the rest of the week. If anyone needs me, my cell phone will be on all day. Now let's get going, guys!" Benson said and headed towards the house.

Mordecai was angered to see that Benson failed to notice Rigby's absence. The thought of his raccoon friend skipping yet another day of work and hurting Eileen's feelings made Mordecai furious. He felt like he needed to speak up and let Benson know that Rigby wasn't here. It wasn't fair for Rigby to get away with breaking Eileen's heart and not work today, he thought to himself. He had to do something, and he knew what to do. He didn't care if Rigby would get fired for this (well, maybe a little), but he felt the need to expose the raccoon.

"Hey, Benson!" Mordecai called, walking towards Benson.

"What is it, Mordecai?" he asked, stopping in his tracks and turning to face the blue jay with a question.

"I was just wondering how are we going to get all this work done without Rigby helping us out?" he asked with a slight sarcastic tone and a smug smile on his lips.

"Oh, there's no need to worry about him," Benson replied. "I already got him working."

The smile soon faded and was replaced with crossed eyebrows. "Wait, he's here?!" he replied in shock.

"Yeah," he said. "He met me outside the entrance three minutes ago and asked for his jobs early. Now before you say anything, he did explain why he left work yesterday and I completely understand. The last thing I need is for this park to have another harassment incident. I will talk to Muscle Man about this later today, so don't worry."

"Yeah, but -"

"Look, I need to get to my office and prepare my checklist. Right now, I need you to get to work and not ruin this for me!" Benson responded and walked towards the house. Mordecai still had one more question.

"Benson, wait!"

"What, now?" he asked, clearly irritated.

"What job is Rigby doing?"

"He's picking up loose litter on the trails right now. Now stop asking questions and get to work or **YOU'RE FIRED!**" Benson snapped and then stomped into the house. Mordecai took the information he had just received and took off to find Rigby.

"Why I haven't fired those two yet, I will never understand," Benson said to himself, hoping that some type of entity would answer his question.

* * *

It took about five minutes of walking the park trails until he stumbled upon the raccoon that he had been looking for. Rigby was picking up litter from the lawn with a litter pick stick and dropping them inside a large garbage bag. The bag was nearly full as Rigby had found many bits of trash outside the restrooms due to the Red Stars trashing the building (pun intended). Rigby found that picking up rubbish and tossing it into a garbage bag is a rather great way to distract himself from his situation with Eileen.

After talking to Alexei and getting insight on what happened last night, Rigby didn't know what to think or do. He admits that he does have feelings for Eileen and said feelings were inadvertently revealed to her that night. That, he can't deny. But his intentions weren't to act upon those feelings. Rigby had been at battle with his emotions towards the mole for quite some time now and those emotions won the war. But Rigby wanted a do-over. He felt that it wasn't fair for those feelings to be unleashed while he was drunk. He'd prefer if they had just come at a time of his own convenience. Rigby felt like he hasn't had control over this entire situation. He didn't count on Eileen to catch his interest that day they went camping. He didn't expect Mordecai would put him on the spot and practically force him to ask out Eileen two days ago only. And he sure as heck didn't anticipate having sex with Eileen last night. Rigby was mentally exhausted over the whole thing and just needed a break from it. As he picked up bits and pieces of garbage from the ground, he felt more at ease.

"Rigby!" His calm state was interrupted as he heard his best friend's voice and knew that this wasn't going to be good.

"Hey, man," he replied nonchalantly. "What's up?"

"Don't play dumb, Rigby," Mordecai said. "You know why I'm here."

"Benson told you to pick up the trash, too?" he asked, feigning ignorance. Rigby had hoped that playing dumb would make Mordecai leave him alone, but his friend wasn't going to let him get away with it that easily.

"No. I'm here about Eileen." Mordecai finally brought up. Rigby's mind froze, but soon came back as he tried his best to stay calm.

"You should get back to work, man," Rigby suggested. "If Benson sees you not working, he'll get really pissed. You know that interview he's having today?"

"Do you know how bad you hurt Eileen?" Mordecai asked. Rigby didn't respond and continued to pick up loose litter.

"She can't stop crying right now, Rigby!" Mordecai continued. "Margaret told me she's really broken up about it!"

"Yeah, I know," Rigby finally answered.

"Then why aren't you doing something about it?"

"I'm working," he responded and stabbed a paper cup with his litter stick.

"Damn it, Rigby! She's your friend!" Mordecai said with anger. "You have to talk to her, dude."

"You don't get it, Mordecai," Rigby said, not turning his back. "I have to think about this."

"What's there to think about?!" Mordecai barked.

"About this whole relationship!" Rigby snapped back and finally turned to face his friend. "I didn't mean to have sex with her, but just because I did it doesn't doesn't mean that I like her that way! I told her that and if she's crying because I told her the truth, it's not my problem." Rigby then took the full garbage bag and went to dump the contents into a nearby trash bin.

Mordecai groaned in frustration and followed him. "That's your excuse? You can't be serious, Rigby!" he exclaimed, waving his hands in agitation. "Why are so selfish? She's crying because of you! You know how much she likes you? A lot, Rigby! Even if it was a mistake, you need to man up and deal with it!"

"You don't think I know that?" Rigby said, not wanting an answer. "I know what happened last night, Mordecai. I know what I said and I know what I did, but right now I don't know what I want. Right now, all I want is time alone to think, so do me a solid and leave me alone!" He finished dumping the trash and soon picked up his litter stick to finish cleaning this part of the park. With a stick and empty garbage can in hand, Rigby calmly walked away and made his way towards the direction of the park fountain to pick up more bits of trash. Mordecai was set to follow him, but the sound of wheels screeching stopped him in his tracks. He turned around and saw his boss riding a cart, no doubt angered by Mordecai not working.

"What are you doing, Mordecai?" Benson asked angrily. "You're supposed to be painting the shed like I told you to!"

"Yeah, but-" Mordecai tried to explain, but was cut off by Benson.

"No, I don't want to hear it! No more excuses! Now get to work or **YOU'RE FIRED!**" Benson ordered and turned the cart around to drive back to the house. Mordecai groaned in defeat and started walking to the shed.

"You're not gonna get away with this, Rigby," he muttered as he walked. "You need to do the right thing."

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: I know that went nowhere, but I needed a transition for the next scene. Besides, there's nothing wrong with chapters with no major events. Stopping the pace of things just makes the story flow better. Anyway, please review and if you haven't done it already, follow the story! Don't miss a single chapter! Nanook out.**

_**I don't know about you, but I'd love a box of pens.  
-Mr. Nanook**_


	10. Apologies

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: I feel that I do need to apologize for the long wait this time. A lot of things have happened since then. The first thing is I'm just not feeling motivation anymore and find myself losing interest in writing fanfics. I don't know how I'm going to get out of this pitfall here, so expect a lack of progress to be the norm. I'm not cancelling this fanfic, but odds are updates will be coming in much slower than I thought. Only time will tell what will happen now. **

**Secondly, I just moved and my new house doesn't have internet hooked up yet. I can still write at home, but the lack of internet is a hindrance. I posted this chapter in school, for crying out loud! I won't have full internet access until next week, so this is pretty much the only way I can post chapters for now.**

**On top of all that, school has started, so I'm going to be rather occupied. This isn't too much of a big deal as my schedule is very flexible, but it will take up a good chunk of my time.**

**Excuses aside, everything will be okay, kids. I just need some time to think. Rest assured that this fanfic will continue. Until then, read up! Hilarity is about to ensue!**

* * *

**APOLOGIES**

"Hey, Mordecai! Check these out!"

"Whoa! They're huge!"

"Hehe. Thanks, Mordecai."

"Those are nice melons, Margaret. Can I touch them?"

"Sure!"

"Whoa, they're pretty thick."

"I know, I've been trying this new fertilizer that just works wonders!" Margaret said as she presented her pair of cantaloupes that she had brought from home; both were the size of basketballs. The "fertilizer" that she is referring to is actually a strange type of enhancement serum that one of her cousins had made. It functions like steroids for fruits and vegetable and can make them grow to larger sizes. Such a serum is actually illegal in the city, but her cousin decided to not tell her about that.

"So anyway," Margaret said. "Where's Rigby?"

Mordecai sighed and shook his head. "Back at the park," he replied. "He's been acting like a real jerk lately. He's been ducking me every day for the past week! He doesn't even sleep in our room anymore! I don't know where the 'H' he's been sleeping, but he doesn't even want to hang out with me anymore."

It had been two weeks since that interview and Benson couldn't be more pleased. Not only did the park get some much-needed publicity, but Rigby was actually strictly focusing on his work. Benson wasn't aware that he's doing his work only to distract himself from his problem with Eileen. It has gotten so far as to having him resort to completely avoiding Mordecai. Benson has had to keep a close eye on Rigby as Mordecai was always trying to find ways to talk to Rigby during the work day. Benson managed to always prevent this from happening and thus making Mordecai unable to have any contact with Rigby. Attempting to talk with the raccoon after work hours has been futile, as well. Rigby has left the house every day after work and comes back usually around eleven PM. Rigby had been spending his nights in the arcade, Alexei's bar, and Cheezers. Instead of sleeping in his own room, Alexei had provided him a stay in the supply closet of his bar, complete with a black-and-white TV, a comb, and a dirty wooden cot.

It doesn't sound like much, but considering Rigby's current trampoline bed, it was a small improvement.

"Wow. He's really committed to staying away from this problem that he made," Margaret commented and shook her head.

"Speaking of which, how's Eileen doing?"

"Not so good. She stopped crying, but she's still pretty sad," Margaret revealed. "When she's not working, she's at home moping around. When she's at work, she only sighs sadly and serves the customers."

"I'm sorry. I wish I could get Rigby to snap out of his stupid game and finally sort this out."

"I wish I could slap him in the face and make him sort this out!" Margaret said, earning a frightened stare from the blue jay sitting in front of him.

"Ummm... yeah," he nervously said, sliding his chair back an inch.

"Sorry," the robin said. "I'm just mad at how Rigby is treating Eileen right now. It's just that I'm very overprotective of Eileen. I like to think of her as the little sister I never had."

"I get it. Rigby's kinda like my brother, but I can't say I'm a supportive bro," Mordecai said. Suddenly, his phone started to rapidly beep, signaling that it was time to go back to the park. "Margaret, I gotta go. Thanks for the coffee. See ya later!" he said and walked out of the shop. Eileen stumbled out of the break room as soon as she heard him leave.

"Was that Mordecai?" she asked.

"Yeah. Did you want to talk to him?" Margaret said. Eileen shook her head.

"No," she replied. "Was Rigby with him?"

"No, he wasn't," her robin friend confirmed.

"Oh..." Eileen said softly in a hurt tone.

"Mordecai said that he's been avoiding him lately. He still does not want to talk about it."

Eileen looked down to the floor in grief. She had hoped that Rigby had finally decided to talk to her and finally put this whole mess behind them, but this was not the case. Over the week, Eileen had finally accepted that it was a mistake. That's not to say that this revelation made her feel any better, but she understood the circumstances. She had just hoped that Rigby and she could still be friends. While their relationship would still be awkward, she still wanted to be in Rigby's life.

Margaret walked over to Eileen and put an arm over her shoulder.

"It'll be okay, Eileen," she assured her friend. "Rigby may be dense, but even he knows when to stop being an idiot." Eileen giggled at the comment, but soon felt something turn in her stomach.

_Oh no. Not again! _Eileen thought. She felt more nauseous by the second and knew what was going to happen next. Without a second word, Eileen turned and ran towards the women's restroom. Margaret soon followed.

"Eileen, where are you going?" she called.

Eileen ignored her question and burst inside the women's washroom. She found the nearest open stall, planted her head over the bowl and vomited. Margaret soon appeared and watched as she retched into the bowl. The sickening sounds of her breakfast splattering the sides of the toilet filled Margaret with concern.

_Why is this happening to me?_ Eileen thought as she puked out the contents of her stomach. Soon enough, she stopped and sat down on the floor with her back facing the stall wall.

"Eileen!" Margaret cried. "Are you okay?" She walked over and knelt down next to her sick friend, putting a hand over her forehead.

"I don't know," was all Eileen said. Margaret sighed in response. "It's been like this for a while."

That comment got her attention. "What do you mean?" Margaret asked. "How long has this been happening?"

"About three days," Eileen revealed.

_Could it be a stomach bug? Most likely, but maybe it could be... no, _Margaret thought to herself. _It just can't be..._

"Have you been eating anything strange?" she asked her, hoping to get a piece of information that would prove her theory wrong.

"Not really," Eileen said. "My diet hasn't changed a bit. I just wake up and feel sick in the morning. I feel nauseous most of the day. That's why I didn't come to work yesterday."

_In the morning she's sick? But that can mean..._ Margaret feared the worst. She needed to ask her.

"Eileen," she said, facing her and putting her hands on her mole friend's shoulders. "When you slept with Rigby, did you use... protection?"

Eileen's eyes grew wide upon hearing the question. "Nnn-no," she replied wearily.

"Are you on the pill?"

"What?"

"Are you using birth control?" Margaret clarified.

Eileen looked away.

"Eileen, look at me," Margaret asked. The mole complied. "Are you on the pill?" she asked again, but slowly.

"No," Eileen finally unveiled.

"Oh, my God," Margaret mumbled.

"Why does that matter?" Eileen asked. "You're not thinking that I might be pregnant, are you?"

"Well..." Margaret trailed off. "You could be. This nausea could be morning sickness."

"But-bu-but," Eileen sputtered, "but it's only been two weeks!"

"Maybe moles have pregnancy symptoms earlier," Margaret suggested. "Have you had your period yet? It's almost the end of the month."

Eileen didn't reply as her eyes started to water.

"Eileen..."

"No!" she cried, holding onto Margaret. "I can't be pregnant! I just can't!" She continued to cry as Margaret patted her back and absorbed her tears with her shirt.

"Shhh..." Margaret whispered. "It's okay, Eileen. We'll get you a pregnancy test after work. You think you can work the rest of the day?"

Eileen sniffled and looked up to her friend. "I think so."

"Okay. Let's get back to work," Margaret said and helped Eileen to her feet. She flushed the toilet and followed her avian friend back to the counter.

* * *

Rigby glanced at the wall clock as he poured himself a glass of orange juice in the kitchen. It was 10:37 AM. He needed to finish watering the flowers by noon, so he decided to treat himself with a citrus beverage. The past two weeks have been nothing but a daze for the raccoon. He felt as if he were in a rut due to lack of progress. Sure, he was working more and earning more trust from Benson, but his personal life was at a complete standstill. Mordecai had been attempting to talk to him throughout the week with no success. Benson didn't want Mordecai ruining the work ethic of Rigby, so he had kept a close eye on the blue jay to make sure he doesn't disrupt Rigby in any way. So far, it was successful and Rigby hadn't talked to Mordecai for twelve days.

During all that time, Rigby didn't forget about Eileen. His mind just couldn't shake the thoughts of the mole that he had slept with two weeks ago. He had talked to Alexei about his dilemma, but little help was given. All he did was agree with Rigby's points and told him to do whatever he felt was right.

Unfortunately, he didn't know what to feel at that point and Alexei's "Yes-Man" attitude isn't going to do him any favors. He was conflicted and wasn't going to find an answer for his problem like this. All he knew is that he had take action.

It was at that moment that he realized something.

He missed Eileen.

He missed her radiant smile, her cute laugh, her bad attempts at comedy and rapping, and her always-friendly attitude. He also missed her embrace.

_Wait, what?_ he thought. It was true, though. He did miss the sensation he felt when he held his body close to hers. It was invigorating, and it was a feeling that he only felt when he was with her. Oh, how he longed for that feeling. His thoughts were cut short as he felt a cold liquid engulf his hand. He looked down and noticed that the glass in his hand was overflowing with juice as he had stopped focusing.

"Ah, crap!" he cursed and pulled his hand away from the glass and set the carton of juice on the table. He walked to the kitchen counter and reached for some paper towels on a roll to clean up the mess. As he wiped the liquid from the table, his mind drifted back to Eileen.

_Was I too harsh?_ He asked himself in his mind. _I mean, I don't love her, but that doesn't mean I don't like her. We're friends! Well, not anymore, I guess... _Rigby frowned at that. The thought of not having Eileen as a friend anymore really upset him. He remembered the time Eileen helped him do one pull-up so he wouldn't lose his job. He thanked her by hugging her and possibly breaking her back.

Huh.

That's really something. Eileen saved him from losing his job twice, and he paid her back by breaking her heart and telling her to never speak to him again. Even Rigby thought that was too cruel of him to do.

_I should really make this right! I need to tell her how sorry I am!_ Rigby declared.

"Rigby!" a voice from behind him called. The raccoon let out a shocked scream and spun around to see the other friend that he had been avoiding for two weeks.

"Mordecai!" he enthusiastically said. Rigby was actually glad that Mordecai was here, so he could tell him about his newfound thoughts on the whole situation and hopefully help him settle everything. "I'm glad you're here, man. Listen, I just-AAAAGH!" Rigby's sentence was cut short with a swift kick to the groin, courtesy of Mordecai. Rigby fell over in pain and clenched his pained scrotum.

"That's for making Eileen feel like shit for two weeks!" Mordecai said with anger.

"I'm sorry!" Rigby squealed as he tried to explain his actions.

"No, you're not! If you were sorry, you'd have apologized to Eileen weeks ago! If you were sorry, you would have stopped being a coward and talk to her! If you were really sorry, you'd admit that you're wrong!"

"I am wrong!" Rigby admitted while still on the ground.

"Psh. Yeah, right," Mordecai said and folded his arms.

"No, really!" Rigby got to his feet and let go of his groin. "I know I messed up, man. I just didn't know what to do and Alexei sure as heck didn't help!"

"You could've asked me, you know," Mordecai pointed out.

Rigby stayed quiet for six seconds. "Give me a break, man," he said. "I was shocked! It was the first time anything like that ever happened to me!"

"Well, yeah but you didn't have to tell Eileen to never talk to you again and that you didn't love her! There's other things you could have done, Rigby!"

"Alright, I get it!" Rigby whined, hoping to make Mordecai stop scolding him.

"Do you, really? So then what are you gonna do, Rigby?" Mordecai questioned.

Rigby sighed. "I guess I'll call her tonight and tell her I'm really sorry for being an ass."

"Good boy, Rigby." Mordecai teased with a smirk.

"I'm not a dog!" Rigby barked.

"I don't know about that, dude. You have been acting like a bitch," Mordecai quipped.

"STOP TALKING!" Rigby snapped. Mordecai chuckled at his anger, said that he was just kidding, and left through the back door. Rigby was alone once again. He threw the soaked paper towel in the trash and exited through the front door of the house. He would indeed call Eileen after all his work was done for the day.

* * *

Eileen scanned the shelf as she looked at the various pregnancy tests on the pharmacy shelf. She was incredibly nervous and constantly looked around the aisle to make sure nobody was watching. Margaret stood by her side and observed the many pregnancy test boxes with her.

"I don't want to be here, Margaret," Eileen said. "What if someone sees us?"

"Eileen, we'll be fine," she assured her. "We're just two friends looking for a pregnancy test for our shy friend who doesn't want to get it herself because she's too shy. Remember?"

"Yeah, but still, don't you think making these t-shirts was too much?" Eileen said, looking down at her white t-shirt that read, "WE'RE JUST TWO FRIENDS LOOKING FOR A PREGNANCY TEST FOR OUR SHY FRIEND WHO DOESN'T WANT TO GET IT HERSELF BECAUSE SHE'S TOO SHY" in bold, black text. Both she and Margaret wore matching shirts.

"Hey, you can never be too careful," Margaret assured. She picked up a box on the shelf and said, "What about this one?" Eileen took the purple box and read it. It was called "Preggo Detector Pro". Eileen turned it around and read the back of the box.

**Introducing Preggo Detector Pro! With new state-of-the-art technology, this pregnancy test lets you know if a baby is possibly squiggling around in your womb as we speak! Just pee on this bad boy and it sends you a result in less than fifteen minutes! You know what else takes less than fifteen minutes? SEX! It's like they're connected somehow! Voted the #1 pregnancy test in America, Preggo Detector Pro is the pro choice for telling you if you're preggo! But why are you wasting time reading this box? Buy this thing now, pee on it and know if you're having a baby before it's too late! Go Pro with Preggo!**

"Well, I don't see why not. It's pretty much asking me to buy it," Eileen remarked. Making their selection, Eileen and Margaret went to the cashier to purchase the test. The blonde cashier noticed their shirts and laughed a bit.

"Yeah, I had a friend like that, too," he commented as he scanned the box. "That'll be $8.60." Eileen paid with a $10 bill and received her change. The two friends exited the pharmacy with the new pregnancy test. The plan now was to head to Eileen's apartment and use it there. Eileen opened her car door and put the test in the back seat. Margaret soon entered the car and sat in the passenger's seat. Eileen sat there in silence, not turning on the car just yet.

"Well, we got it," Margaret said with a hint of awkwardness in her tone.

"Yeah..." Eileen muttered.

"Eileen, we have to know."

"I know. It's just that what if I am pregnant? I can't have a baby right now! I'm just not ready for this!" she contemplated in fear. "Besides, Rigby already hates me. Bringing this up will only make him hate me more."

"Well, this is why we got the test, Eileen. It'll tell us and we'll take it from there. There is a chance you're not pregnant."

"Yeah, right," Eileen doubted. "My life is over."

"Let's just go home, Eileen," Margaret said. "We'll try it out when we get there." Eileen didn't say another word and turned on the ignition, driving off to her apartment for the moment of truth.

* * *

It was nearly quitting time and Rigby had spent the majority of the last hour rehearsing his apology to Eileen.

"Hey, Eileen. I'm really sorry for being a real d-bag. Be my friend again, please," he said to the mirror. Rigby was standing on the bathroom sink, staring at himself in the mirror and practicing. "Wait, that's not gonna work..." He cleared his throat and said, "Eileen, I'm sorry for yelling at you and ignoring you these past weeks. I really want us to be friends again. Yeah, that can work!" Rigby then felt his cell phone vibrate in his pocket. He took it out and noticed a new text from Mordecai.

_have you rehearsed your apology yet?_ it read. Rigby grew flustered and typed up a response.

_lol who needs to reherse somethin like that? im cool, man. _He then clicked "Send". Turning his attention back to the mirror, he practiced yet another apology.

"Eileen, I'm sorry for being a big jerk, okay?!" he cried to the mirror, almost breaking down in tears. "I didn't mean it! I want us to be friends again and-wait, that's too many tears. I gotta be cooler! I can't have Eileen thinking I'm some kind of wimp!"

_**KNOCK KNOCK! **_

"Rigby!" Skips from outside the bathroom door called. "Stop talking to yourself and let other people use the bathroom!"

"I'll be out in a second!" Rigby replied. He hopped off the sink and walked out the door, meeting Skips in the hallway.

"Practicing apologizing to Eileen for being a jerk?" Skips asked, already knowing the answer.

"How did you-"

"I know _everything_, remember?" he answered and entered the bathroom, locking the door once inside.

"Man, I hate when he says that," Rigby muttered and walked away to practice apologizing to Eileen for being a jerk.

* * *

"Maybe we should read the instructions again."

"Eileen, we've read the instructions four times! Either we do this tonight or not at all!" Eileen had still not taken the pregnancy test since the pair arrived to her apartment. They had been sitting on her sofa reading the instructions of the Preggo Detector Pro for the past half-hour. Needless to say, the mole was incredibly nervous. She had been contemplating the possible outcome for about twenty minutes. Margaret was very patient with her, but even she was starting to grow tired of her reluctance to use the test.

"I know! It's just that I've never done this before," Eileen revealed.

"Neither of us has, Eileen," Margaret said. "Let's just find out once and for all, okay?" Margaret patted her back. "Hey. I'm gonna be here every step of the way." Margaret smiled, which made felt some tension leave Eileen body. Knowing that her best friend is here for her made her more relaxed. The mole nodded and took the pregnancy test to her bathroom down the hall.

Eileen wasn't the only one in the building that was anxious about the result. Margaret was also guilty. She didn't imagine that Eileen would sleep with Rigby so soon or that it was because he was the drunken one as opposed to her. The robin was unsure on how her friend would react to a child entering her life at such a young age and not even married, no less. Still, she figured that Eileen was a grown woman and can make her own decisions, and if it was a wrong decision, she would have to deal with it.

That doesn't mean Margaret wouldn't stay by her side. The two friends swore in their youth that they would stick together through thick and thin no matter what, because that's what best friends do. If this means going to a pharmacy, wearing decoy t-shirts, and buying a pregnancy test for your best friend, so be it. Margaret was content with doing anything to help Eileen.

But what about Rigby? Margaret thought. What would he do if he found out Eileen was pregnant? She had known Rigby since high school and never noticed this selfish side of him. Rigby was never one to take responsibility serious and that is what she feared if the test result was positive. She presumed that Rigby would either take responsibility and take care of his child and Eileen, or continue ignoring Eileen until he scraped up enough money to leave town and never see her again. Sadly, Margaret considered the latter to be most likely. She sighed and shook her head negatively.

Suddenly, she heard the bathroom door open. She was so deep in thought that she hadn't realized that fifteen minutes have passed. Margaret glanced at the dark doorway and heard soft footsteps coming closer. Soon enough, Eileen's body popped out from the hallway. Margaret sat still and noticed her sullen expression on her face and small amounts of tears escaping her eyes. As she walked closer, Eileen started to quietly sob.

"Eileen?..." Margaret asked as she felt her own heart sink by the second.

"I'm sorry, Margaret," Eileen whispered, placing the pregnancy test on the coffee table and looked down at her feet, not wanting to make eye contact with Margaret.

Margaret leaned her head towards the used pregnancy test and read the result, her mouth gaping wider as she read every word.

**EMBRYO DETECTED! A BABY IS ON THE WAY! E.T.A. 9 MONTHS!**

"So, so sorry..."

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: Have I mentioned that I appreciate your patience? Because I really do! I hope this chapter was worth the wait and I sincerely hope you stick around and read until the end, because I will finish this fanfic. I can promise you that! Thanks for reading, leave a review, if possible and I'll see you in the next one. Nanook out.**

_**It's a bad time to be a Mordaret fan, isn't it?  
-Mr. Nanook**_


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